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friday hax chat q: is four weeks too short notice for a long-distance wedding invitation?

Posted by gerald (aka chris) Aug 12 '16, 13:29

Q: Wedding Invite Etiquette

Carolyn, A couple expects me to attend their wedding, but the invitation was received only four weeks before the long distance wedding. (No save the date was mailed either.) If I were going to be invited, I would have expected an invitation at least two months before. I'm afraid just a "no" answer would be taken as an offense, but answering "I can't attend because it is hard to plan a trip on such short notice" may not be polite. It would be extremely difficult and expensive to organize a long distance trip on a few weeks notice, and in my mind, the couple should have sent an invite sooner considering the distance and the wedding wasn't planned last minute. I see sending the invite so late implies a lack of consideration for guests. Any advice on an appropriate response when asked why I am not coming? Thank you!

Responses:

With a long distance wedding, some people are invited just to feel included, with no real expectation they will attend. Get over it. -- nm - jnine Aug 12, 13:45 2
- I've noticed for some people, invitation = expectation, and they don't understand when the inviter doesn't think it's the same thing. -- nm - Roger More Aug 12, 13:48 1
  - yep, if they expected you to come, they'd have told you about it sooner. What they're expecting is a card and cash. -- nm - Jim Aug 12, 13:50
Today I Learned: 4 weeks is considered short notice for a trip -- nm - con_carne Aug 12, 13:40 19
- in all fairness, it actually is for some people based on whether they have children, what their employment sitch is like, whether they are used - Diewa Aug 12, 13:43 17
  - We should sub-poll this: Do you have plans the week of September 9th to 16? - Andie Aug 12, 13:45 16
    - yes! -- nm - Epiphany Aug 12, 15:04
    - A few of those days. -- nm - jnine Aug 12, 14:34
    - Sleeping on David and Kim's couch. -- nm - Will Hunting Aug 12, 14:30
    - Disney! -- nm - David Aug 12, 14:20
    - Not the whole week, but yes. -- nm - pmb Aug 12, 13:59
    - Nope, but I have plans the following week -- nm - CQ Aug 12, 13:57
    - ayup -- nm - prayformojo Aug 12, 13:56
    - I don't have plans, but as an infrequent traveler, I don't have frequent flier miles so I need be sure I can afford it. -- nm - mara Aug 12, 13:50
    - Nope. -- nm - Krusty Aug 12, 13:50
    - Effing audit still. -- nm - spamlet Aug 12, 13:50
    - Exactly. TIFF and then Michigan. And looking at my confirmations I made plans in April. -- nm - Meg Aug 12, 13:49 1
      - And just this week I made flight reservations for Christmas. -- nm - Meg Aug 12, 13:51
    - Yes, I'll be in Seattle. -- nm - Beryllium Aug 12, 13:48 1
      - (Which reminds me that I should book some lodgings) -- nm - Beryllium Aug 12, 13:48
    - No, but already taking planned trips in Oct+Nov and cannot take more time off work for your wedding as well. Sorry, can't come. -- nm* - Diewa Aug 12, 13:47
    - Yes - work travel + TIFF + wedding anniversary. Sorry! -- nm - Roger More Aug 12, 13:47
- it's too short notice to expect other people to do so at your request, yes. You can invite them, of course. - Andie Aug 12, 13:41
I can see why they did this to you. You're are the lamest, no fun, horrible dancer, drag there is. - CQ Aug 12, 13:36
You were B list. Just send regrets and don't stress. -- nm - Andie Aug 12, 13:30 5
- This. She was invited when others responded they weren't able to attend. -- nm - jnine Aug 12, 13:43
- Is that the real crux of the rant? -- nm - iSpam Aug 12, 13:37 2
  - the crux is the lw is miffed they were on the b list and wants 2 be able to express this to the couple somehow and still be considered gracious. Nope. -- nm - Diewa Aug 12, 13:39 1
    - She just can't understand "why" Whyyyyyyyy. seriously, you want that chick at your wedding? nope -- nm - CQ Aug 12, 13:49
- this. -- nm - Diewa Aug 12, 13:31
... is that even worth responding to? -- nm - Beryllium Aug 12, 13:30
Just say 'I can't make it.' Jeebus. -- nm - Diewa Aug 12, 13:29 1
- exactly. it's possible other people received theirs earlier; but, in any case, that couple just has to know it's short notice and that many - b. Aug 12, 13:32

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friday hax chat q: is four weeks too short notice for a long-distance wedding invitation?

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