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In response to "Since it's not happening in school or in public it would seem to be controllable. -- (edited)" by spamlet

it is controllable at school and the effort of doing that (by the kid) is what results in the meltdowns at home

it's like suppressing something for 8 hours of your day and then being able to "release" when you get home. It's hard and takes considerable effort for them to get through a day...trust me

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