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hax chat follow up: Jersey Guy -- with the fiance and shore girl fling intern -- wrote back . . .

Hello Carolyn.

Again, many thanks for taking my question in the first place. So I went into a meeting & never re-checked your chat. Not to mention my mind was going a million miles an hour, with everything that was going on & everything. So I left work & started driving & then next thing I know I'm in the town where the whole fling happened in the first place (deserted this time of year). I go into a bar & begin to drown my sorrows (for lack of a better word) when my buddy calls & asks what I'm up to. I tell him & he's confused (obviously) as to why i'm there so I tell him "I'll explain when you get here." So he comes & over a bunch of beers I explain. We go through the whole "she probably doesn't remember you", "she's probably changed", "she lied to you about something big already" (her age), yada yada. But the thing that really stuck was that he said "so what's your best case scenario? You two meet up again, fall in love, run off and get married? Ride off into the sunset? Dude she's 19. She doesn't have a clue who she is yet." And I realized he was right.

So after all that I go home & I still didn't know what I was going to do till I saw her -- my fiancee -- and then -- for whatever reason -- I don't know -- I just told her everything. The whole sordid story. And, believe it or not, at first she laughed. (Defintely not the response I was expecting). She was like "Don't you think i have good memories of hot lifeguards from when I was a kid?" but then I guess she saw I was serious and she stopped making light. Then she cried -- hard -- and if you've ever seen someone's heart break right in front of you you know what I mean. After a bit she said "there's still time" meaning like, in regard to our wedding, and that I could take time to sort stuff out. Then she got up to leave and said "You're only human" and at that moment I felt anything but. It was then that I realized I was seeing a side of her I never realized/appreciated/noticed before. She was showing me strength and grace and just unbelievable humanity (for lack of a better word), that I was just floored. I was like, this is exactly the kind of person who I want to spend my life wirh -- someone who won't freak at any bump in the road, someone who's accepting of faults and the sh*tty things that happen in life, you know? I'll admit it, I started bawling like a baby. I just felt like the world exploded aound me. Do you wanna know she came back over & hugged me? Me -- I'd just stomped all over her heart like I was trying to make wine out of it and she's the one hugging me.

I gotta wrap this up because I'm choking up as I'm writing this but I still have a couple things more. I begged -- BEGGED -- her to forgive me. And by the grace of God she did.

When my mom was alive she used to say "everything happens for a reason" & I always thought it was one of those b.s. things people say to make themselves feel better when something crappy happens. But now I get it, and as cheesy as it sounds, I feel like this was a wake up call telling me to count my blessings. To appreciate what's in front of me, what I'm lucky neough to have, you know?

And so I'll tell you this: Next time someone asks me what my future wife is like, I wouldn't just say she's pretty & smart. I'd tell you about the time she hugged the filthiest homeless man I'd ever seen after listening to him tell his story for 10 minutes in Feb. in NY, snow everywhere and not a cab to be found, and she'd taken the time to not only listen to this guy, but to care about what he was saying, to worry about his situation. Or I'd tell you about the way the kids in her class faces light up when she walks into the room, and how she spent her own money -- money she sure as sh*t didn't have -- to help with school supplies. Or I'd tell you about how she throws her head back when she laughs, like it might be the last time she ever gets to do it, you know? Or about the time she didn't have dime to her name so instead of buying me a birthday gift she spent months making me one, and damn it if it's not the one thing I've ever gotten that I wish I could show my mother, God rest her soul. Or I'd tell you about the time I was acting like the biggest jackass known to man, thinking of leaving her for some girl I don't even know, and she still had it in her to forgive me.

So I guess that's it Hax. Just want to say thank you for taking my question and for caring about my story. I'm really thankful it turned out good because when I first wrote to you I was scared out of my mind it wouldn't.

-- Jersey Guy



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