ST Alpha - "So...since you guys are the best and I don't really want to screw this up, I'm gonna drop this here and probably ask for your help for a long while -- (edited)" (Reading a Post)

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So...since you guys are the best and I don't really want to screw this up, I'm gonna drop this here and probably ask for your help for a long while -- (edited)

Posted by oblique (aka kkuphal) Jun 26 '17, 06:44

My 14yo daughter told us she's bi week before last.

I'd love to say that we handled it with grace and dignity but, shit, we suck sometimes. Not going to get into the details but things are improving around the house. The girl she likes and their other trans friend came over last night (they've been over before so this wasn't a big deal) but was a bigger deal in light of the "revelation"

Anyways, I don't know that there's anything specific I'm asking here...just...you know, help. I guess maybe I'm trying to figure out how to understand how to not "out" her to everyone we know inadvertently. I'm proud of her for taking this step but I also believe very strongly in not living a lie. What insight can you give me into that aspect of life so I don't royally fuck this all up?

Responses:

Good news, you didn't cast her out of the house, which happens quite often. Sit down in a coffee joint have a talk -- nm - zeitgeist Jun 26, 13:06
Accept her and support her. That's about it. -- nm - JaxSean Jun 26, 08:16
There is a PFLAG group near you ... check it out -- nm - rollo Jun 26, 07:40
People who ask about a pre-18-yr old's dating life can get stuffed if they're shocked to hear the answer. Don't pay them any mind. - Max Jun 26, 07:25 1
- at that age, I doubt I would even feel the need to discuss it with anyone unless they were "serious" - groiny Jun 26, 07:28
What kind of stigma is she dealing with really? The reason I ask is I work with a lot of young people and - con_carne Jun 26, 07:22 5
- Honestly, there's a couple issues: - oblique Jun 26, 07:27 4
  - how is your wife with all this? -- nm - groiny Jun 26, 07:29 3
    - adjusting - oblique Jun 26, 07:37 2
      - yeah, I figured -- nm - groiny Jun 26, 07:38 1
        
        I dare say we've been prepared for this event with our daughter based on what we've been doing with our son -- (edited) - oblique Jun 26, 07:41
Mind if I weigh in? As ST knows, I went through a lot with my parents, especially over this topic. - MDH Jun 26, 07:12 2
- no, please, it makes a lot of sense and really the perspective I'm trying to get a hold of - oblique Jun 26, 07:18 1
  - nmb oblique - MDH Jun 26, 07:22
I think you have to follow her lead on this. - znufrii Jun 26, 07:10
just based on our own 13 year old, it seems like more and more around that age are in the same boat as your daughter -- (edited) - Beaker Jun 26, 07:09 4
- Man, no one's as sure of, or as wrong about how the world works as 13 year olds. -- nm* - Reagen Jun 26, 07:40
- I can't help but feel like how I looked at my grandma who used to openly say the n-word when I was in high school - oblique Jun 26, 07:14 2
  - it is amazing how it is now compared to when you and I were in High School. -- nm - groiny Jun 26, 07:19
  - I know, just thanks to ST I can see how my own attitudes and actions have changed (for the better) since say high school and university - Beaker Jun 26, 07:19
well, you are probably asking the right place for this. -- nm - groiny Jun 26, 07:03 2
- it's like my own secret facebook group for the gay :) -- nm - oblique Jun 26, 07:09
- well we're all queer here. -- nm - mud Jun 26, 07:04
Keep it simple. - David Jun 26, 07:01 1
- I understand relatives asking about " the kids" and how they are doing - "are they still seeing so/so?" its mostly conversational. - Epiphany Jun 26, 07:06
Ok, first things first. Don't mutter "shit, I just inadvertently outed my daughter" every time you incidentally use the word "by". - Ender Jun 26, 07:00 3
- I should just start using "at" gotcha :) -- nm - oblique Jun 26, 07:01 2
  - Yes. Or "near". -- nm - Ender Jun 26, 07:02 1
    - good advice to live by -d'oh! -- nm - mud Jun 26, 07:04
just let her drive. there's kind of no reason for you to tell anyone that sort of thing. is there? - amanda jones state university Jun 26, 06:53 9
- We talk pretty openly about my son and his girlfriend to friends, relatives, etc. -- nm - oblique Jun 26, 06:56 8
  - "Daaaaaad!" -- nm - Mop Jun 26, 07:05 3
    - I should probably return the rainbow jeans I bought yesterday then? :) -- nm - oblique Jun 26, 07:05 2
      - It's gonna be fine. Don't worry about how other people react. If they have a problem, it's *their* problem. - Mop Jun 26, 07:20 1
        
        right "she's healthy and happy" is all anyone needs to hear -- nm - Beaker Jun 26, 07:23
  - but he has a specific, significant other that you are discussing. your daughter doesn't at this point. When that happens just state it factually. - Andie Jun 26, 06:58 3
    - well, much of the reason for the discussion was that she does want to ask out this particular girl -- nm - oblique Jun 26, 06:59 2
      - You should probably make sure you have a gameplan for what you'll do if that goes badly. -- nm - Ender Jun 26, 07:41
      - sure. but she's 14. That could be something or it could go nowhere. - Andie Jun 26, 07:01
I'm not sure how much you would be talking about your 14 yo's dating life in any case? for now i think you can just say nothing to anyone outside - Andie Jun 26, 06:52 5
- Yup. Don't do what my mom did growing up when talking about Germany_bro: eyeroll when referring to the "friend" :/ -- nm - con_carne Jun 26, 07:16
- And if you get to the point where she has a long-term girlfriend you can always just ask her how she'd like you to handle it. -- nm - Ender Jun 26, 07:07 1
  - yes. -- nm - Andie Jun 26, 07:07
- your last point is key, innit -- nm - mud Jun 26, 06:56
- ha ha. -- nm - amanda jones state university Jun 26, 06:54

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So...since you guys are the best and I don't really want to screw this up, I'm gonna drop this here and probably ask for your help for a long while -- (edited)

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