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In response to
"So...since you guys are the best and I don't really want to screw this up, I'm gonna drop this here and probably ask for your help for a long while -- (edited)"
by
oblique
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Mind if I weigh in? As ST knows, I went through a lot with my parents, especially over this topic.
Posted by
MDH (aka MDH)
Jun 26 '17, 07:12
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First off, I applaud you for asking for advice and dialogue. I know that's a tough thing to do. I've got a few thoughts below, but I'd be happy to connect if you need/want to as well.
My parents used the "living a lie" line on me, and I have to admit that was one that hurt. It was a line they used to try and shun me, and while I get where you're coming from, I just wanted to give you a heads up so that you're aware. I wasn't living a lie by not being out, I just wasn't ready. One of the biggest things I can stress is that until someone is ready to be open about themselves, they can't be pushed. Doesn't mean she's lying, she's just learning how she works, and how she should handle her own life.
I was constantly asked the question "What do you want me to say when I see friends in the grocery store?" They wanted to force me to tell them to say either "Tell them I'm gay" - which was impossibly hard for me to do at that time, or tell them to hide it. I tried the thing I thought best, and said "why engage?"
I understand that you speak about your son and his girlfriend etc. But it's really your daughter's place when and how she wants to tell people. You can ask her whether it's best to say nothing, or avoid, etc. Ultimately it's her decision. I know there is a struggle here for you, and that you are proud of her, but she's really got to be the one to give the green light.
Does this make any sense, or am I just rambling?
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