kilbo, you received some great advice on B2. At the risk of possibly repeating some of it, a few thoughts from me
Posted by
ty97
Jun 26 '17, 08:53
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(also: rambly, sorry)
I can only imagine how you and your wife are feeling right now, but I expect that its along the lines of one your foundational assumptions about the world just being ripped out from under you. (when I, accidentally, found out my brother was dating men, it felt like a bomb had gone off. One of the basic assumptions in my world exploded, it was a complete shock. I can only guess what it's like to be a parent in that situation). You know we are here for you to help you through this.
BUT, remember, this is primarily about your daughter. And while it does seem to be a bit easier nowadays then in my generation (and for my generation it was a bit easier than the one before, etc), it can still be VERY hard, even more so when part of your family/friend circle is more conservative and possibly won't be accepting.
So, mission #1: keep reminding your daughter that you love her unconditionally and nothing will ever change that. Make sure she knows you are there for her. While it took a lot of strength from her to come out to you (I can't even fathom doing so at 14, I was still in self-denial to myself then), there are almost certainly going to be some times when she needs you to be her rock to fall back on. Listening to you describe parts of your family and Church group, I expect at some point, someone is going to reject her. That's going to hurt her like hell. Be there for her, prop her up, remind her how amazing she is. LGBT youth suicide rates are significantly higher than other youth suicide rates. Keep on eye on her, make sure she's doing okay.
Coming out, IME, is more of a marathon, a series of comings out over time. In a way, you have to choose whether/when to come out every time you meet a new person. The choices on coming out, the speed, who to come out to, etc, is 100% firmly her choice. Ask her to let you and your wife know what she wants to say if the topic ever comes up with anyone. Follow her lead.
The daughter you are raising today is the same daughter you were raising two weeks ago. The same person with the same skills, talents, faults, and quirks. She just may be dating within her gender going forward, but nothing about who she is has changed.
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