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My father, who has been in the hospital recovering from back surgery, had his heart stop tonight. He was revived but is not conscious.

He's been intubated.

His heart is weak and he's had several surgeries (ablasions) and has a pacemaker and an implanted defibrillator.

Not really looking for good thoughts/prayers so much as just needed a place to put this that isn't Facebook.

I've spoken with both my siblings, left a message for my aunt (his sister) and spoken with my mom (his ex wife).

Neither the hospital nor I could reach his wife. They tried calling her, my stepbrother and then me. I was the only one to answer my phone. They also called my brother after speaking with me and may have called my sister, as well.

I love my dad, but he's an angry, unhappy man and while I learned many good things from him, every bad trait and the majority of my anxieties and challenges came from him as well. I've worked very hard to address my shortcomings as a human, a father, and a husband and it has been painful to watch him struggle in all those areas but never even contemplate seeking help.

Suffice to say that my emotions on this are a strange mix of resignation to the fact he's probably dead before the end of the month and a bit of relief that his pain, both physical and mental, will be at an end.

I'm also a bit surprised that the hospital resuscitated him as he'd always spoken of not wanting that. I haven't been a part of his medical decision making, so I assume he changed his mind on that or acquiesced to his wife's concerns.

Anywho.... thanks for being here and listening. It's good to have you here to be a kind ear as I deal with this.


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