ST Alpha - "Please don't feel any need to read this. I've just got to vent a little as I've spent the last two weeks in a tremendous amount of pain" (Reading a Post)

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Please don't feel any need to read this. I've just got to vent a little as I've spent the last two weeks in a tremendous amount of pain

Posted by crash davis (aka crash davis) Nov 25 '20, 14:38

Psychic and emotional pain. I'm just going to vomit out some words so if you really want to read this, I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense.

It is sort of a long and complicated story but here is the bare bones of it that I just want to get off my chest. Trish had a seizure and we went to the ER. Female Doctor X was there and she seemed reassuring. Telling me that she felt Trish had developed a seizure disorder and it could be controlled with medicine.

They checked her into the hospital to monitor her. She was in rough shape pain wise and was not able to sit up or do any of the things she could physically before. Doctor X checked on her for the two days following seizure and then had time off. A male doctor, Doctor Y, took over.

Since she was out of immediate physical danger, she got transferred to swing bed status. The insurance company approved that for a few days and a couple visits with therapists (physical and occupational). I'd go down and visit her every night. She kept complaining of pain shooting across her hips. Also she pulled her legs up and asked me to straighten them out. When I touched her, she cried out in pain and I released my hands.

Her case manager called me in for a care conference about Trish. Trish, I, the case manager, a social worker, the physical therapist, the occupational therapist were there. Doctor Y wandered in a bit later.

They said insurance absolutely would not pay for another day past the two more days scheduled for swing bed, so what were my goals for Trish. I told them I wanted her to go to the long term care unit for four weeks because of all the pain she is in, I would not be able to take care of her. I said there was something wrong with her hips, which Doctor Y dismissed.

Doctor Y told me that I had to respect Trish's wishes. I know what Trish wants, she wants to be home with me home always. They were pushing heavily sending Trish home under hospice care to me. I stood firm and said no, if her hip isn't broken which Doctor Y said it wasn't then she had a soft tissue injury from the seizure. She needed to heal and be some place that there was the available staff to help her to the bathroom and shower.

The therapists told me that they didn't see any benefit to continuing therapy. They were pushing the hospice care option, saying the long term care unit might not take her. And then they said, even if they did, they had a strict covid protocol and she'd be quarantined for two weeks and then I still wouldn't be allowed in. I said I was fine visiting via the window.

They again stressed hospice, saying that I perhaps didn't understand all the benefits. I told them I understood hospice care, one of my aunts was a hospice nurse. Doctor Y said she could go home and have all the pain meds she likes. Trish liked that. And then Doctor Y said "Just to be clear, she will go home and pass away sometime in the next six months"

I stood firm and then we talked about some other minor health goals I had for Trish. They left saying they'd see what they could do and get back in touch with me. I felt like no one cared and they were trying to just offload her. I asked Trish what she thought of that conference: "I didn't really like the part where Doctor Y said I would die in six months"

I asked her what the hell all of that was about. She said she didn't know but she did have kidney disease. I told her the nephrologist had been extremely happy with her last blood test and didn't need to see her for some months to come. I felt like they were just saying "leave and die"

Two days passed and then the social worker called. She had gotten Trish four weeks in the long term care unit like I asked. She was isolated in her room from other patients and I could visit by coming to the window.

It has been rough because Trish has been in horrible pain this whole time. She cries at times, and sometimes she screams. Last week she told me that she couldn't stand the pain anymore. I deserved a life better than what I had and I had nothing to look forward to with her. I begged her to not give up on me and that I would figure something out. I told her that I had been researching medical mary jane and even if I had to drive to Oregon a lot to keep her going I would. I begged her again to not give up.

I've been in a lot of pain at night, stressed and on occasion, breaking down into tears. I also have been spending time on medical websites. I had noticed through the window that Trish kept pulling her right leg up and bending it. She also kept asking the nurses to pull it down. The Mayo Clinic website told me that 1) an inability to stand; 2) intense pain; and 3) turning a leg outward were possible symptoms of a broken hip. The site also said that some fractures were detectable only by an MRI and the best we have locally is a CAT scan. So I thought that Doctor Y might not have detected a fracture on a mere X-ray.

The director of the long term care unit called me last Friday and set up a care conference for last night. I spoke with Trish and she told me that she realized part of the reason she had wanted to give up is that a particular nurse on the overnight shift had made her feel really bad. She had told Trish that she was just a whiner, her pain really wasn't that bad. The nurse had just had a couple nights off and Trish felt better about herself with a nice nurse. I told her that I felt she had a hip or pelvic fracture and I was going to stand firm in the conference and demand they recheck her hip. That seemed to give her a little more willpower.

So the conference call happened last night at 5:30 pm. I'd been dreading it because I felt like it would be just like in the other unit, with them demanding I take Trish home to die because she cried and screamed too much for them and they just didn't care.

The long term care director told me that her nursing supervisor was also sitting in on the call. She said that now that Trish was out of quarantine we needed to discuss her health goals for the future. I said that before we did that, I wanted a second opinion on her hip. I said I know Doctor Y had told us that she didn't have a hip/pelvic fracture but I wanted it checked again. I brought up the point that she kept involuntarily raising her right leg and asked me and nurses to straighten it out. It turns out that right before the call, Trish had asked the director to straighten her legs.

The director paused and asked the nursing supervisor what scans the other unit had made of Trish. The nursing director then started going through Trish's file announcing the CT scan to check her head for another stroke, and then X-rays going down her body. She stopped at abdominal X-ray. The director asked if they would be able to tell the status from an abdominal, and the nursing director said "No. They wouldn't be able to tell anything from that"

The director then said to me "Well, let us call this a care pre-conference then because we need to get to the bottom of this. I can call Doctor X and have her look into this tomorrow if you like." My heart just lifted as I said "Yes, I like Doctor X"

I then said I wanted to speak to either Doctor X or the pharmacist about the very small amount of pain meds Trish was allowed. They said Doctor X would be in touch with me. I was so certain that I was going to face a fight with Doctor Y and the director that I a weight lifting off my chest. We talked about some other goals and diet and such, but that is besides the point.

I could hear Trish on the other end of the call, and her voice sounded so much better. I could tell she was happy that I advocated so strongly on her behalf.

Last night, I went to sleep for the first time in two and a half weeks feeling hopeful.

I got a call this morning from Trish. "Hey, I have a broken hip". And it seemed like things immediately started to change. A bit later Doctor X called and said Trish had opted for surgery because she had plans for the future. We discussed pain meds a bit, and the fact that Trish was going to be sent to Boise today to be taken care of by an orthopedic surgeon and specialist.

I got a call from a nurse at the unit letting me know that Trish was getting a hip CT to give the Doc in Boise as much of a heads up as possible. She gave me Trish's assigned room number in Boise. I kept thinking, "Wow, now I'm getting updates"

Then the phone rang a little bit later again. It was Trish: "I'm sorry I told you that I wanted to die". They'd given her morphine and a Xanax. She told me that after the conference last night they had shampooed her hair, which she liked and she got to go to church. They had a "Preacher-in-the-box" (covid restrictions) and they prayed for the Mariners because Kenny a long term care resident always insists on praying for the Mariners.

The call got interrupted by a nurse who was bringing her a Norco in prep for the transport to Boise. I heard the nurse say "I'm going to pray for you honey". After the nurse left, Trish told me that the director of the unit had visited her and she made the director promise to make the nurse who called her a whiner feel bad about that. The director assured her that would be done.

She told me that I couldn't believe how painful it was for her to be moved from one side to another by the nurses and aides. I told her that I couldn't imagine but it is great to know a reason for all this.

I got called by Rachel, Trish's new nurse in Boise saying that she had safely arrived and was as comfortable as possible for a person with a broken hip to be. Then a local nurse called me again to tell me the time she left for Boise.

I can't believe that for three weeks she had laid there with a broken hip and no one did anything, because of Doctor Y whose attitude was "go home and die". I am glad I stood my ground every time with those people. I know there are risks in this upcoming surgery, but if we are going to go down, we will go down fighting.

I just wanted to get some of this off my chest.

Responses:

It shouldn't be up to the patient and her family to diagnose the patient. When you have more physical and mental strength, the two of you should - jnine Nov 25, 19:48
I can't begin to understand what you are going through. I'm glad you have the drive. - Marlowe Nov 25, 16:54 1
- good grief, and I'm so glad for your mom :) -- nm - crash davis Nov 25, 16:55
Crash you are so strong and brave. Big hugs. You did the right thing and stood your ground. I can’t imagine how hard this has been for you. -- nm - Pippy Nov 25, 16:35
OH man, this was hard even just reading it. You are a superstar for standing your ground. -- nm - loosilu Nov 25, 16:24
I want there to be consequences for Doctor Y. Will there be consequences for Doctor Y? -- nm - Mop Nov 25, 16:14 1
- I think the scurry of activity today indicates that someone (most likely LTC unit director) sent up a corporate bat-signal that a FU happened. - crash davis Nov 25, 16:21
Oh baby, my heart aches for you. It's so much to bear and I wish I could carry some of your burden. nm - ralph wiggum Nov 25, 16:13 4
- Thanks, but I'm okay. I won this round. Tomorrow is a new story, but I might have a shot of bourbon and play Adele loud (don't judge, its my party) -- nm - crash davis Nov 25, 16:19 3
  - also sus? -- nm - tRuMaN Nov 25, 16:22 2
    - yeah, def sus -- nm - crash davis Nov 25, 16:25 1
      - but feel free to drink and listen to adele while playing. -- nm - tRuMaN Nov 25, 16:27
can we call in the "meg" to help the doctor get "better" - tRuMaN Nov 25, 16:03 5
- also Doctor Y (I think thats right) is sus on so many levels. -- nm - tRuMaN Nov 25, 16:20
- Did I ever tell you I can visualize things and they happen. My mother was a witch and I'm her daughter 😉 -- nm - Megberry Sauce 🦃🥧🏈 Nov 25, 16:09 3
  - Least shocking post ever. -- nm - Pippy Nov 25, 16:33
  - We are so fucked. -- nm - loosilu Nov 25, 16:27 1
    - poor mel. -- nm - tRuMaN Nov 25, 16:29
Can't imagine what kind of a toll this has been taking. Really glad Trish has had you in her corner -- nm - prayformojo Nov 25, 15:53
Your a good man sir. Fuck those people who are shitty in the health profession. -- nm - Remlik Nov 25, 15:48
It just shouldn't be that hard... but it obviously is. I'm glad Trish has you to fight for her. And her quip about... - Green Bean Cuzzinrole Nov 25, 15:43
So much I could say, but I'll keep it short. You rock. She is blessed to have an advocate like you. Trish rocks. So easy to give up. She's not ready. -- nm - zunkskunk+ Nov 25, 15:39
Damn, we should all have a man like you to look after us...mom's bff might still be alive with a strong advocate -- nm - zeitgeist Nov 25, 15:32
Thank you all for your kind comments and allowing me to vent. -- nm - crash davis Nov 25, 15:22 3
- you're awesome. Best Wishes 4 Trish -- nm - mud Nov 25, 15:28 2
  - Now that she 1) knows a reason; 2) knows this is not a new permanent state; 3) has meds; her whole attitude has changed. -- nm - crash davis Nov 25, 15:30 1
    - I can empathogize -- nm - mud Nov 25, 15:34
good work. we no all about shitty doctors too -- nm - Karl_S Nov 25, 15:18
You are a good person. -- nm - znufrii Nov 25, 15:11 1
- this -- nm - Strongbad Nov 25, 15:54
Crash, this made me cry just reading it. Hopefully she’s on the right track and she knows how much you fought for her. - spamlet Nov 25, 15:04 1
- I've been bawling -- nm - zork Nov 25, 15:06
You sir, remain, my hero. Period. -- nm - ♤Spawn♤ Nov 25, 15:03
Over the years, you have written quite a few things that make me admire you and to want to give you and trish and big hug. -- nm - zork Nov 25, 14:57
I will only say that we are greater for your increased presence here. I’m not that good at comfort, only compliments. -- nm - Qale Nov 25, 14:53
I know you keep hearing this, but it's true: you're a good man, crash davis. - JaxSean Nov 25, 14:51
WTGDF, Doctor Y -- nm - Reagen Nov 25, 14:45 5
- What the goddamn fuck, indeed. "Failed to detect a broken hip" ought to go on a permanent record. -- nm - Beryllium Nov 25, 15:17 4
  - This is true: I put on some music to make me feel happy, and as I read your comment the music was playing Shakira "Hips Don't Lie" -- nm* - crash davis Nov 25, 15:23 3
    - The universe's sense of humour leans strongly toward darkness. -- nm - Beryllium Nov 25, 15:29 2
      - 'Humor is tragedy plus time.' — Mark Twain -- nm - mud Nov 25, 15:33
      - Yes. Maroon 5 just came on and I can't find where I put the god damn remote. -- nm - crash davis Nov 25, 15:33
man, there are some shitty people in healthcare (and some great ones). I'd be sure to make Dr. Y feel bad about that too. -- nm - mafic Nov 25, 14:44 3
- Older women are so often dismissed when they have serious health events. It's a real thing. I have a friend who refused to take an ambulance for her - loosilu Nov 25, 16:29 1
  - jesus christ -- nm - crash davis Nov 25, 16:43
- this -- nm - Beaker Nov 25, 14:46

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Please don't feel any need to read this. I've just got to vent a little as I've spent the last two weeks in a tremendous amount of pain

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