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In response to
"LYC - I am writing a sympathy card for an old friend whose mother passed away. Her mother was an alcoholic nightmare."
by
Andie
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If I could add a little bit ...
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As someone with more than a couple periods of awful conduct while abusing alcohol, or being unhinged for other emotional/mental conditions, I think recognizing that people are a combination of good and evil, angels and demons could be appropriate -- if you can phrase it the right way.
Not something like "I'm so sorry she was so awful to you," but "I know she didn't treat you very well sometimes, maybe even a lot of the times. But I also know she was your mother and you loved her. She led a life of conflicts and her passing will leave behind many memories. I hope you and your family are able to remember the good times more often than the bad times."
Or something like that. I know it's kludgy language, but I think it's okay to tell a friend that you recognize one of their family members led a life of good and bad and everything in between -- and it's okay to recognize that spectrum after they die.
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