*enters stage right pushing a large, black, battered and scarred roadie hard case on wheels* -- (edited)
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*large enough to hold an entire drum kit with percussion accessories … or a couple bodies*
*one of the wheels slightly wobbles and squeaks as he pushes the case to center stage*
*steps back, looks at the roadie case critically*
*steps forward, pushes and twists it a couple inches, then steps back and looks at it again*
*satisfied that it is perfectly situated at center stage*
*stands up from his slouching posture, stretches, places hands on his lower back and arches in that pose signaling the end of a long, hard effort*
*straightens and smooths the medium grey Gieves & Hawkes suit he is wearing, complete with starched-crisp white shirt and blood-red silk tie*
*opens the top of the roadie hard case, reaches in, and pulls out six-foot mahogany coat rack and stands it upright*
*takes off fedora and gently places it on top of the coat rack*
*takes off suit coat and gently hangs it on the coat rack*
*twists wrists to remove cufflinks (solid gold with deep blue lapis lazuli insets) and drops them into the inside breast pocket of the suit coat*
*removes tie, rolls it up, and stuffs it into the other inside breast pocket of the suit coat*
*(building up to a dramatic moment)*
*reaches back into the roadie case and pulls out three eight-foot-tall three-panel grey fabric privacy screens*
*sets them up a bit down stage to block any views of what he does next*
*a flurry of sounds erupts from behind the privacy screens*
*clattering and banging of various objects being removed from the case and assembled*
*the sudden whine and buzz of a circular saw followed by the banging of different sized hammers hitting different types of nails*
*the bleat of a goat*
*no, make that two goats*
*further buzz saw noises and hammering*
*a snipped of Winston Churchill’s famous ‘We Shall Fight on the Beaches’ speech erupts from an antique phonograph while the construction noises continue*
*then abruptly stops, providing a few lingering moments of dead silence*
*begins taking down each of the privacy screens to show a compact, but complete, Internet broadcasting studio ready for YouTube, TikTok, podcasting, or any other use*
*perfectly sized and proportioned for Nekkid Crazy Mel*
*and perfectly centered under a warm, glowing spotlight directly from above*
*and assembled around a vintage mid century modern desk made of beautifully burnished walnut standing 22 inches high*
*carefully rearranges the ring light, dual Rode NT-USB microphones and mixer to be perfectly positioned on the desk for NCM’s arrival*
*meticulously fans out the cotton-bond notepads and selection of seven identical gorgeous black carbon fiber Lamy Safari fountain pens (each with a different color of Waterman inks*
*pauses for a moment … thinking there must be something missing …*
*abruptly snaps fingers and steps up to the roadie case, now located far upstage center*
*opens the case, pulls out a large square of cardboard several inches thick*
*returns to the desk and unfolds the cardboard to reveal a life-size cutout of Margaret Thatcher utilizing a photograph of her straight from her October 10, 1980 speech to the Conservative Party Conference*
*stands the cardboard cutout next to the desk stage left*
*steps back a few paces and carefully surveys his work*
*nods with eminent satisfaction and shambles off stage right, leaving the space ready for the arrival of the birthday boy*
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