ST Alpha - "Guy wants us to be together, monogamous. I say I'm not done living, I want to go meet people and not hurt him if something indeed happens." (Reading a Post)

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Guy wants us to be together, monogamous. I say I'm not done living, I want to go meet people and not hurt him if something indeed happens.

Posted by Hotkiss (aka hotkiss7348) Jun 25 '09, 12:48

He took that to mean I'm *looking* to sleep around. That's not true, but I don't 100% rule it out. If something appealing arises, I want to be able to do what I want.

Am I being selfish? Is that completely slutty of me?

Responses:

you need to stay away from anything close to a committed relationship for the next few years... - zork Jun 25, 13:09 2
- well that sounds pathetic of me -- nm - Hotkiss Jun 25, 13:10 1
  - HK, being brutally honest here, it sounds far more pathetic to spend another minute with this idiot. -- nm - loosilu Jun 25, 13:11
This is obviously not a guy you'd really want to be monogomous with anyway. "Thanks for validating my choice," I'd say. -- nm - mara Jun 25, 12:56 8
- That's unreasonably mean, imo. - musubi Jun 25, 12:57 7
  - It's not just that he wants more out of the relationship. It's that he's concluding she wants to sleep around. -- nm - mara Jun 25, 13:01 5
    - Put yourself in his shoes, wouldn't that seem like a pretty fair interpretation for him to make? - musubi Jun 25, 13:03 4
      - No. (And in fact he hasn't just gotten broken up with.) -- nm - mara Jun 25, 13:06 3
        
        Telling someone that expects monogomy, that you won't be monogomous, is the equivalent of being dumped. - musubi Jun 25, 13:08 2
        
        Take my word for it. Hotkiss has not yet broken up with him. -- nm - mara Jun 25, 13:08 1
        
        well, they need to "be friends" and "hang out". -- nm - loosilu Jun 25, 13:10
  - Actually, unnecessarily mean, rather than unreasonably. (nm) - musubi Jun 25, 12:59
Just break up with him. Say you want to see other people, that's that. - musubi Jun 25, 12:55 22
- but then she wouldn't get to have *all* the boys. -- nm - Reagen Jun 25, 12:58
- no need to break up with him, necessarily, just be completely clear and honest with what you're looking for, and he can break it off with you if that - znufrii Jun 25, 12:57 18
  - He already told her what his needs are. -- nm - loosilu Jun 25, 13:06
  - aka the coward's way out. -- nm - Reagen Jun 25, 13:00
  - No. If he wants monogomy, and she won't commit to it, that's not a reasonable expectation. End it. (nm) - musubi Jun 25, 12:59 1
    - But moose, then you wouldn't drag it out painfully for another year. -- nm - loosilu Jun 25, 13:09
  - It's clear it doesn't suit his needs as his continued insistence shows. - Will Hunting Jun 25, 12:58
  - I don't want to let him go either -- nm - Hotkiss Jun 25, 12:57 12
    - I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, but I have to. -- nm - loosilu Jun 25, 13:02
    - Is this the guy that broke up with you all of those times and shoved you? -- nm - Diva Jun 25, 13:01 3
      - And oh yeah, tried to use you for sex and a ride to the airport? -- nm - Diva Jun 25, 13:02 2
        
        and she cheated on him too. -- nm - loosilu Jun 25, 13:03
        
        Well, c'mon, the last part was just smart. - TFox Jun 25, 13:03
    - Them's the breaks. If you want to be free to be with others, give him that freedom to. - musubi Jun 25, 13:00
    - you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. sorry. you need to prioritize. and based on the fact that you have already made it - Andie Jun 25, 13:00
    - SFEK so now I'm an opportunist -- nm - Hotkiss Jun 25, 12:58 4
      - I don't call that an opportunist. I call it an confused youth. - Will Hunting Jun 25, 13:03
      - You're being unfair to him by putting your wants in front of his needs. -- nm - loosilu Jun 25, 13:02
      - Yeah, unfortunately you need to pick one or the other. If he wants more than you do on the monogamy front, it can't end well. - TFox Jun 25, 13:00 1
        
        And don't keep repeating that process. - Will Hunting Jun 25, 13:03
- *likes this* -- nm - Andie Jun 25, 12:56
- *likes this response* -- nm - colin Jun 25, 12:56
if you wanted to be only with him, you would be. you know you are young and want life experiences, so go do that. - Andie Jun 25, 12:53
if that's what you want, just make it perfectly clear.. - colin Jun 25, 12:52
I can only offer this tip: take care of the ones you love... - Old Antarctic Explorer Jun 25, 12:51
Is this Mr. Forceful from that FB chat? -- nm - nubby Jun 25, 12:51 1
- Oh gawd no -- nm - Hotkiss Jun 25, 12:52
nothing wrong with that at all. - znufrii Jun 25, 12:50 2
- instead you got married? -- nm - Hotkiss Jun 25, 12:51 1
  - not quite, but even then I was far too eager to commit to a relationship. -- nm - znufrii Jun 25, 12:51
What guy? And no. That's not wrong of you. - Will Hunting Jun 25, 12:50
Is this the dude who shoved you? Because I think yuo know what kind of reaction you're going to get here if it is. -- nm - Subversive Jun 25, 12:50 1
- Word. That's what I'm assuming and won't add to the discussion. -- nm - JaxSean Jun 25, 12:53

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Guy wants us to be together, monogamous. I say I'm not done living, I want to go meet people and not hurt him if something indeed happens.

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