it's friday, let's do drama. i told you how my in-laws have gotten pretty extreme and unfriendly throughout the pandemic. (trigger: violence)
Posted by
colin (aka colinski)
May 14 '21, 07:19
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my partner got a text from her mom saying "hey can we chat, no biggie".
she calls her mom, who says "so your brother said i used to have anger issues when you were growing up.. nothing explosive, just sometimes in a bad mood. i talked to your sister and she said the same thing. i just wanted to say sorry and know if you forgive me for that."
my partner just said "okay." and wasn't sure what to say. her mom then tried to push past and just make small talk, which my partner said to "no, we're not doing small talk. you can't drop something like that on me and just pretend it didn't happen."
she called her mom on mother's day to say "hi, i love you, i know we have things to talk about, but for now just saying hi have a good day."
the issue: her mom was explosively angry. i've seen it in some kinds of action, but what i've heard is bad.. screaming, yelling, etc. she also did two really specific things that are disturbing... when my partner was in her early teens, her mom hit her across the face with a ceramic plate. on another occasion, she got her by the throat and choked her to the ground.
my partner called her brother, who said "no, i didn't say she wasn't explosive, i said she was angry. she also used to flick us on the face really hard as a way of showing she was mad"
so... not sure what to do with this. rewriting history like that is kind of fucked. her therapist says "write them a letter"... and that's happened in the past and just been ignored. or her mom cries and says sorry. i feel like asking forgiveness for a false narrative of the past plus showing ZERO change in yourself is a bit bold.
how would you handle that? allie is getting close to just removing them from her life, at least for a little while. it's happened before for almost a year, and that seemed to reset the relationship and boundaries.
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