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fine, you think you're so hax smart. bonus chat q: they did not invite their wedding guests to bring a "+1" people are RSVPing with +1s (and more)

Posted by dug (aka chris) Jul 10 '09, 12:01

Wedding RSVP Etiquette: I'm getting married next month and the reception hall holds 150 people max (though 120 to 130 would be more comfortable). As such, we limited our guestlist to 150 people and did not include "and guest" to any invitees that we know are single (as in, not dating any specific person). The RSVP cards have started to come back and a few of these unattached people have RSVP'd for two (or, in one case, three): One person is bringing her cousin, another is bringing a friend from his office... all people we didn't invite and all people we've never met. Am I out of line thinking this is rude? Even outside of having to pay for a dinner for them (which, admittedly, doesn't help), we simply don't have the room for random guests.

I guess my question is: did we commit a major faux pas by not including "and guest" for our single guests? And, even if we did, how can we politely tell these invitees that we unfortunately do not have enough room for them to bring the person they met at the bar last night?

p.s. it should be noted that the people who RSVP'd for two (and three) will know plenty of people at the wedding. These "dates" aren't their only hope for companionship that evening.

Responses:

1st: don't be a dumb ass and invite 150 people to a 150 hall, 2nd if you invite guest or guests - Epiphany Jul 10, 12:15 1
- My friends/relatives had this nutty idea. They called me to ask if I wanted a +1. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:16
Wasn't this an episode from HIMYM? -- nm - amoxy Jul 10, 12:12
Tell em quick, it's rude of them to assume bring +1. Telling em so isn't rude. -- nm - Will Hunting Jul 10, 12:09 1
- Yeah, an immediate "oh, sorry, you misunderstood..." is how I'd proceed. -- nm - TFox Jul 10, 12:11
they should have allowed for +1. now they have to say no and accept it if people are put-out. - b. Jul 10, 12:09 9
- "allowed" meaning invited with "and guest" - b. Jul 10, 12:10 8
  - disagree, they have every right not to do that. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:11 7
    - sure, they have a right to do whatever they want; but that doesn't make it, er, right. - b. Jul 10, 12:15 5
      - I can't disagree more strongly. It's a party, a very expensive one. They invite who they want. It's not up to the guests - loosilu Jul 10, 12:17 3
        
        i think more care should be given by both sides. - b. Jul 10, 12:22 2
        
        I think both parties should have picked up the phone before licking a postage stamp. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:23 1
        
        i'm good with that. (and who licks anymore? ew.) -- nm - b. Jul 10, 12:25
      - Why do people add +1.....cuz that's how you're alerted to bring guests. Not the inverse. -- nm - Will Hunting Jul 10, 12:16
    - and you could call your friend and ASK if she's dating someone. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:12
I'll concede it's a bit rude, but you're going to have to be rude too to deny the guests' guests. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Jul 10, 12:04 2
- it's not rude to tell people what they should have figured out from the original invite - dug Jul 10, 12:05
- hell no. If it's an older relative, maybe I'll let it slide, but for cousin Emily, she's getting the smackdown. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:05
no +1 means no +1. -- nm - Reagen Jul 10, 12:04 13
- I agree with this, but if the invite didn't *say* "no +1", I can understand assuming that +1 is okay. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Jul 10, 12:05 12
  - who the hell says "no +1" on an invite? it either says "and guest" or it doesn't. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:06
  - that's not how invitations work -- nm - dug Jul 10, 12:05 10
    - [shrug] I'm certainly not an expert. I defer to your experience. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Jul 10, 12:07 9
      - consider that these people have to be fed and seated. If you booked a 150 person hall and 200 show up, you've got chaos on your hands. -- nm - Reagen Jul 10, 12:08 7
        
        I said I defer! - Dr.Vermin Jul 10, 12:12 5
        
        unwritten? unknown? Not even close. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:15 2
        
        All these extra-guest-bringers this woman has on her RSVP list show that you're wrong. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Jul 10, 12:17 1
        
        No, the stacks of etiquette books say the rules are written and widely disseminated. The people inviting their own guests - loosilu Jul 10, 12:20
        
        Leave it to the conservative to invoke Amendment 10 to the wedding invite rulebook. - Will Hunting Jul 10, 12:13
        
        "You didn't say no horses." -- nm - Reagen Jul 10, 12:13
        
        and as we discussed the other day, it's not cheap food. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:10
      - the invitation is for the person named on it. no one else. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:07
imo, you should make it more clear that you are not allowing for +1's. - psilotum Jul 10, 12:04
oh, how rude! tell them no. -- nm - loosilu Jul 10, 12:02 1
- Yeah, agreed. -- nm - Subversive Jul 10, 12:09

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fine, you think you're so hax smart. bonus chat q: they did not invite their wedding guests to bring a "+1" people are RSVPing with +1s (and more)

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