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So, i went to my cousin's baby's christening on Sunday. it was not what i am used to. -- (edited)

Posted by Andie Nov 22 '22, 06:41

there was a baby blessing during the regular service.

There were three different babies. Each baby was held by a different minister and given a blessing by them, that was sort of free form and stream of consciousness. all good.

Little Jameson, my cousin's baby, was last. The following statements were included in his blessing: "May he never be known to the police. May he never suffer any diseases of the blood. If the family does not already have a priest, may he become one and guide them."

Backstory - my cousin is basically an atheist and did this solely because her partner's father is very very involved in this church. Literally three minutes before we went in to sit down i asked her what actual denomination the church is - she said 'honestly, no idea.' Fact - i still don't know.

the rest of us were just amused by the blessing, but she was kind of pissed (the other kids did not get such dire blessings.)

Also, the lead singing guy (no idea what to call him, it wasn't a choir really) was a Todrick Hall double, which was obviously amazing.

Responses:

May he never taste cold steel at the hands of his enemies. -- nm - znufrii Nov 22, 07:49
May the priest never be falsely accused of using the money from the collection plate to purchase pornography. -- nm* - Roger More Nov 22, 07:31
I'm surprised they didn't bring out the Sorting Hat -- nm - LMS Nov 22, 07:21 3
- The difficulty there is that the babies' personalities are so ill-formed that they all turn out Hufflepuff. -- nm - Sub-baroner Nov 22, 07:23 2
  - babies start as chaotic neutral -- nm - Beaker Nov 22, 07:46
  - 👍 -- nm - crash davis Nov 22, 07:43
“If this baby is not related to Keanu Reeves, may he become the next one…Can I get a whoa?!” -- nm - Flavorize Nov 22, 07:18
I've only been to baptisms where everyone repudiates Satan, which is fun. -- nm - loosilu Nov 22, 07:18 1
- do you renounce Satan? yes (walks up and shoots some guy) and all his works? yes (kicks door in and machine guns two in bed) -- nm - zeitgeist Nov 22, 13:20
~Get to confessing / Get to confessing / It's raining blessings~ -- nm - Cantor Todrick Nov 22, 07:17
Atheists are more likely to get in trouble with the law, Andie! FACT! -- nm - Mop Nov 22, 07:14
~May he never get a stitch for being a snitch.~ -- nm - crash davis Nov 22, 07:08
"May he never know the touch of another man" seems like the next line that was cut... -- nm - Beaker Nov 22, 06:54
~knows what she wants to be~ -- nm - con_carne Nov 22, 06:52
I was good up until the last line. We should see if we can come up with an alternate. -- (edited) - JD Nov 22, 06:49
Wait, the priest made up that blessing and they didn't have a say? -- nm - decline Nov 22, 06:47 1
- oh, they had no say, it was all pretty informal. Very 'in the moment.' -- nm* - Andie Nov 22, 06:50
yeah, that's an *odd* blessing -- nm - prayformojo Nov 22, 06:43

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So, i went to my cousin's baby's christening on Sunday. it was not what i am used to. -- (edited)

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