boston.com Love Letter response to Ann who is seeing the guy who won't stop dating other women:
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Jul 27 '09, 07:48
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A: It seems odd that this guy can come up with a random person to date once a week. I guess we can thank the Internet for that.
Ann, your guy is obviously trying to delay the seriousness of his relationship with you, which is understandable. After a divorce and a few long-term relationships that weren�t quite right, this is yet another opportunity for him to fail at commitment. He�s scared. I don�t blame him.
What he�s denying is that he�s the one who�s responsible for getting serious so fast. After four months, he�s made you his constant companion, he�s introduced you to his community, and now he�s taking a trip with you. He seems to think that dating other people will counteract all that he�s done to make your relationship stronger. You can tell him that it just doesn�t work that way.
Some readers are going to tell you that your guy isn�t into you, that he�s a liner-upper looking for a better option. Maybe they�re right. But my guess is that he�s enjoying his relationship with you. I think he�s just trying to slow it down because the early stages of a relationship are the easy ones. I think he wants to preserve the beginning for as long as possible.
I�m with you -- ultimatums are not nice and they usually don�t work. What you can say to him is that he doesn�t have to date other people to slow things down. You can assure him that exclusivity at four months doesn�t mean that you expect marriage -- it just means that you�re giving the relationship a real shot. And if you can think of a nice way to say it, tell him to get over himself. I hate it when men (and women) assume someone is trying to pin them down.
Be honest and tell him that your goal is to date someone exclusively. If that�s not a shared goal, you have to move on. It's not an ultimatum, it's just the truth. You don�t have to draw a line in the sand, but you can tell him what you need to do for yourself. He can make plans accordingly. If he needs to keep dating, well, there's your answer.
Readers? Is this guy a liner-upper or a commitment-shy guy who�s trying to delay the inevitable? Share here. Twitter here. For those of you who asked, there�s some audio of me babbling on the radio here.
-- Meredith
I kind of like Meredith's take on this.
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