ST Alpha - "Start with believing in yourself. Then you'll be better able to accept the decisions you make." (Reading a Post)

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In response to "Sometimes I wished I believed in God, or some sort of God. I hear it makes things easier to bear. -- nm" by Hotkiss

Start with believing in yourself. Then you'll be better able to accept the decisions you make.

Posted by MojaveMeg (aka Mojave) Jul 27 '09, 17:42

I've mostly avoided this discussion because I spent many years in an unhealthy relationship because I thought love an loyalty would overcome everything else.

At some point you have to decide to live for yourself or just put up with whatever you're handed.

Responses:

damn, google ads are smart "You got close too fast - but then he pulled away and hasn't called again" - Guy Jul 27, 17:46
"love and trust can overcome anything" was just a lie this whole time? what have so many love songs and movies been teaching me?! - Hotkiss Jul 27, 17:44 66
- Given the events of this entire soap opera......therapy. -- nm - Will Hunting Jul 27, 18:27
- OMG! My wife got caught up in the whole Hollywood love story. "Sorry sweetheart, I don't ride a white horse" - Redmond Jul 27, 17:53 29
  - that bring me to something else i've been wondering: have we not worked hard enough on this? could harder work fix us? -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 17:54 28
    - some things are just not meant to be. work on yourself, not on a failed relationship - Guy Jul 27, 18:11 7
      - I more or less always reach my goals, never truly failing myself in my own eyes. That's why this blatant failure is hitting me so hard -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 18:15 6
        
        did you really goddamn well think you were going to date one dude your entire life? - Reagen Jul 27, 18:21 3
        
        he wasn't my first boyfriend. fuck you. -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 18:25 2
        
        stop asking people for help if you're going to be this way. it makes you sound like a sniveling, entitled, naive moron. fuck you right back for being - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 18:27
        
        well then... - Reagen Jul 27, 18:27
        
        not making it work with a dude who hit you and who you cheated on? that's not failure. that's *success.* -- nm - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 18:17 1
        
        Yay! I agree -- nm - Redmond Jul 27, 18:23
    - I'm divorced from the person I posted about above. Enough said. - Redmond Jul 27, 17:59
    - At this point, we are talking restraining orders -- nm - con_carne Jul 27, 17:58
    - NO. En. Oh. Nein. Nyet. It isn't a lack of effort, it is HIS complete lack of wanting to be with you that - TWuG Jul 27, 17:58 2
      - so you're saying there is a chance then?! -- nm - Beaker Jul 27, 17:59 1
        
        *shoots Beaker* -- nm - TWuG Jul 27, 18:03
    - Nothing's going to fix it. - the liioulu with swag Jul 27, 17:56 13
      - he just turned 24 two weeks ago, 3 years older than i -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 17:59 12
        
        Boys mature emotionally a lot later than girls. - the liioulu with swag Jul 27, 18:01 11
        
        Damn, how late/old are we talking about? Do they *ever* grow up?! -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 18:04 9
        
        what evidence have you presented that *you're* a grown-up? -- nm - Reagen Jul 27, 18:25
        
        No, we don't -- nm - amoxy Jul 27, 18:24
        
        They will pretend to be all grown up so they can get into your pants. -- nm - con_carne Jul 27, 18:17 2
        
        Stop posting this shit. Mara might see it. Ruiner! -- nm - Redmond Jul 27, 18:19 1
        
        You have no idea how ironic this is. -- nm - mara Jul 27, 18:28
        
        Yes we do. Now I am going to read comic books with Remlik and play some Halo with David. -- nm - Redmond Jul 27, 18:10 1
        
        I will torch you to the ground. The very ground. -- nm - David Jul 27, 18:16
        
        My dad has never matured emotionally. And I knew boys in high school who were way ahead of him. -- nm - the liioulu with swag Jul 27, 18:10
        
        Not really. -- nm - TWuG Jul 27, 18:07
        
        Hell I am 40 going on 17 -- nm - Redmond Jul 27, 18:01
    - OK, that's it. *blows brains out* -- nm - Reagen Jul 27, 17:55
- Yes, that's a giant lie. - Dr.Vermin Jul 27, 17:47
- Finding a guy who isn't an asshole. - TWuG Jul 27, 17:47
- you are young and living in NYC, regardless of the details, this is the best thing that could happen to you. - Guy Jul 27, 17:47 13
  - only 2 more weeks left, i feel like shit, don't want to meet anyone and even if i did it would be hollow -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 17:47 12
    - where is dawson when you need him? sometimes you need hollow. - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:50 6
      - overshare - Hotkiss Jul 27, 17:53 5
        
        go visit znu...sew his elbows back on his shirts for him. -- nm - Beaker Jul 27, 17:56
        
        I live in a town where I know nobody. at all. I know the feeling, magnified ten times. -- nm - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:54 3
        
        right now? or back when you had these love troubles? -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 17:58 2
        
        for the love of all things holy. you're not the only one in pain. everybody hurts. we just don't all choose to post about it. - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 18:14
        
        *marge noise* -- nm - Reagen Jul 27, 17:59
    - It's okay to take a break from relationships, even healthy. - the liioulu with swag Jul 27, 17:49 4
      - the other part is, i hate feeling so alone and abandoned right now but i can't imagine truly feeling otherwise, ya know? -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 17:50 3
        
        I do know, but instead of jumping into another relationship, go out and do stuff with friends. - the liioulu with swag Jul 27, 17:54 1
        
        totally true. keep busy. don't sit at home. learn to do things that you like on your own. -- nm - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:57
        
        isnt it possible that you're missing out on some great moments in your life because you're sullenly dwelling on the past? -- nm - Guy Jul 27, 17:53
- If you've both hurt eachother mutliple times physically and emotionally, you don't have trust. -- nm - Inigo Jul 27, 17:46 1
  - plus the whole infidelity thing. fidelity is pretty important. shit, it's raining. (non sequitur) -- nm - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:48
- Communication, friendship, kindness, -- nm - the liioulu with swag Jul 27, 17:46 16
  - respect is huge. and also sort of being on the same trajectory. like, people who are complacent are happiest with people who are complacent. people - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:47 15
    - ... unless that person is trying to change. then it can be helpful to be around an opposite. -- nm - Guy Jul 27, 17:52 4
      - "you're everything I don't want to be, and that's driving me to change" is not the key to a healthy relationship. -- nm - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:53 3
        
        replace 'trying' with 'wanting'? - Guy Jul 27, 17:55 2
        
        well, yes. but that'd be obvious from the get go. see? so you wouldn't be different, because she'd make you the same. - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:56 1
        
        The best relationships are the ones where you are something more together. - the liioulu with swag Jul 27, 18:21
    - That last bit, not so sure about. - the liioulu with swag Jul 27, 17:51
    - This has to be at least partly true; bu yet, the reason my marriage failed is because we were both complacent. (Well, part of the reason, I guess.) I - mara Jul 27, 17:50 8
      - but you both knew you wanted more. see? you weren't giving that to each other. (I hate that I'm deconstructing your marriage. I respect you far too - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:52 1
        
        I can never be offended by anything you post. :-) -- nm - mara Jul 27, 18:30
      - Does divorce feel worse than this? Or about the same? -- nm - Hotkiss Jul 27, 17:51 5
        
        Things usually feel worse when you are young like you. Stuff like this seems like the end of the world, but with age you gain perspective. - con_carne Jul 27, 18:02
        
        Stop trying to quantify the pain, and work on ending it. - Inigo Jul 27, 18:01
        
        Worse than melodrama? Yes. -- nm - David Jul 27, 17:57 1
        
        *laughing* come on -- nm - CQ Jul 27, 17:55
        
        you're 21. mara was married for years. there is no comparison. -- nm - beer on the porch loves mandy lane Jul 27, 17:53

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Start with believing in yourself. Then you'll be better able to accept the decisions you make.

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