Editorial monologue, and request for advice.
Posted by
landbeck
Oct 1 '24, 09:36
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It's a favorite running gag for me, that we always have dozens, upwards of a hundred, of things to do every day, so we always ultimately miss one or two. Or more.
We planned more than a year ago, summer of 2023, to fly out to Salt Lake City over the weekend prior to Valentine's Day to see an art exhibit and to see some of my wife's family, celebrate the 36th anniversary of our engagement. We went, it was awesome, but then in the months after the formation of our plan, Mrs. L's folks decided to move to Ft. Worth. I'm glad they held off on the move until March, so we still saw them, but much of the visit was focused on the prep for their move.
Then last month, an idea was proposed that we collectively pursue a cruis for a reunion, maybe out of Houston so family in Texas wouldn't have to travel so far. Mrs. L was excited about the possibility (we've never been on a cruise anywhere), and did a bunch of research prior to their next family meeting, but then every single other family member was not inclined to do it. So now I am trying to find something that just she and I could do. Adding "Looking for a nice (economic?) cruise," has been added to my list of things to do.
But every day, every single day, I want so desperately to have my kids back. Right now, I want to hug them, get them a snack, hear about their day. Their plans. Having lost Maxwell and Suzanna makes this "want" even more desperate, but almost immediately I fret that I am over-focused on missing them, so will miss some detail on the other four that are still here now, and I worry about being uneven by accident or through the raging infinite gravity of grief.
Then I scold myself, because it's nearly toxic to be the person who is trying to keep score and be equal in how they treat everybody, and remind myself that every minute I AM really trying to be in the moment, and love them as they are, as they want to be. But then I collapse under the tragedy of that minute, because two are gone I will never have that moment with them again, surely there was something I could have done to offset that terrible terrible last moment, to have them back. Doubt clouds my mind's vision, wondering what on earth I could be missing for the other four now?
So I take a deep breath. Then another one. Check to see that I am hydrated sufficient for the day, that I took my anti-seizure medicine this morning (because oh yeah, my neurologist looked closer at the MRI I had 4 years ago, after I blacked out while making chili one afternoon, and noted that I have some scarring present in my brain right behind my right ear, a consequence of the car accident, which might occasionally make me have a seizure wherein I pass out; NOT fainting, which is different from blacking out. Hey, but I'm seizure free for 4 years now, so at least I can drive).
One more deep breath and I can turn my attention back to the moment now, and love the people I love. Right here, as we are here now.
So … any advice on finding cruises for just 2 people?
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