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boston.com Love Letter: Is it a little white lie or something more?

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Sep 11 '09, 08:12

Hi Meredith, I'm trying to figure out the difference between a white lie and a real deal-breaker lie. I know that everyone tells white lies to their SO's at some point -- No honey, you don't look fat; Yes, I'd love to visit your parents for a week; etc, etc.

My girlfriend came home about two months ago with a present from an ex, but her birthday was about a month previous to that. She said it was from a few years ago, that she found it cleaning out her old storage unit (which she had been doing since we are moving to a new town), and she let it go at that.

Without getting into any details (in order to remain anonymous), I found out (no, not by snooping! it was plain as day, and pretty stupid that she didn't see that before lying) that there was no possibility that it was more than a few weeks old. I confronted her, and she still claimed it was old, until I finally showed her the "Born on Date" (so to speak.)

She finally said that it was recently given to her, that it meant nothing at all, was not a big deal at all -- that she told me what she called a "white" lie because she didn't want me questioning her or thinking that there was something going on because she said she wasn't doing anything. She really felt like it was no more a big deal than if I had caught her lying to me about what type of shampoo she uses. She sees nothing wrong with it -- that she was just trying to maintain the status quo and not risk the possibility of me thinking something was going on when there wasn't.

We're all allowed a bit of privacy and individuality in our lives, but I can't help but feel like this was more than a white lie. I don't necessarily think anything is going on, but it's made the situation more questionable that she lied about it, twice, when she claims there was no reason to lie.

I feel like if it was something serious she would have made sure I never saw it. Lying is a deal breaker to me, but for some reason I want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she genuinely just felt that what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. Unfortunately, it has. Is it ok/forgivable/passable that she blatantly lied to my face twice about this before finally telling the truth? Do people really lie to their SO's about things like this if there's nothing going on because they're worried that the other person will be suspicious for no reason??

� Not All Black and White, Shrewsbury

Responses:

That's not dumpable. What that is is the girl got a gift from an ex...and right away, the choice is evident. Tell him and possibly have an issue... - Jim Sep 11, 08:20 3
- [deleted] 1
  - Again, for me...if this is the first time, I chalk it up to bad decision and move on. - Jim Sep 11, 08:24
- A better lie would been that is was from a girlfriend. -- nm - Spawn Sep 11, 08:21
dumb thing to lie about, imho. -- nm - znufrii Sep 11, 08:18
uh oh, east coast-west coast advice column poster wars - crash davis Sep 11, 08:17 6
- Oh great - that means I'm either Biggie or Suge Knight. *pouts* -- nm - Diva Sep 11, 08:18 5
  - I'd say Suge for the sole reason that in a war with pixie you'd still be standing -- nm - crash davis Sep 11, 08:21
  - You have to be Smalls. Suge was the wrong coast. - TFox Sep 11, 08:20 3
    - and technically, hax-chat comes from the Washington Post... -- nm - Diva Sep 11, 08:21 2
      - The only city where rappers tried to escape the crack game, and crack won. -- nm - TFox Sep 11, 08:23
      - thats why its poster wars :) -- nm - crash davis Sep 11, 08:22
Man, that is borderline...She was trying to hide it -- nm - amoxy Sep 11, 08:17
It's substantially bigger than "no honey, you don't look fat", but I doubt I'd dump her over it. - TFox Sep 11, 08:14 8
- I think I'd be skeptical and a little less trusting for a while to see if there really is more to it than that, but absent anything more I'd let it go -- nm - pmb Sep 11, 08:24
- Of course if the random gift was a RHCI that's a different story altogether. -- nm - Shaun Sep 11, 08:16 6
  - red hot copulation infection? -- nm - TFox Sep 11, 08:16 5
    - Rock hard c**k injection. -- nm - Shaun Sep 11, 08:17 4
      - repetitive hammering cornhole insertion? -- nm - TFox Sep 11, 08:19 3
        
        ridiculourly hairy coochie impalement? -- nm - znufrii Sep 11, 08:22
        
        These all work very well. -- nm - Shaun Sep 11, 08:21 1
        
        Where is loosi, anyway? -- nm - Spawn Sep 11, 08:23

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boston.com Love Letter: Is it a little white lie or something more?

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