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The ex and I spoke on the phone for 2 hours last night, the first contact in a long while.

He wants to be friends but I told him I can't because I still care about him much more than I know I should. He said he just doesn't care anymore, to him I'm just another person, he's moved on.




I'm so fucking stupid, I don't know what I was expecting. All I know is I miss my best friend in him and that life is horribly lonely these days. I still can't imagine meeting someone equal or better; it seems like it would be a freak accident if someone indeed came along with some of the weird mixes of characteristics.



On top of that, I see a new engagement on Facebook every other day which is a depressing reminder of how I fucked up my own happiness.

thanks for listening.


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