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boston.com Love Letter: How much should I share?

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Nov 3 '09, 12:57

When does an on-a-need-to-know-basis situation become a too-much-information situation?

So I just started exclusively dating this girl who I think is perfect for me. We have been seeing each other on and off for about a year and just last month mutually decided to make it exclusive.

Part of the reason that it took so long for me to decide is that I was dating several people over the past year and was not ready to commit. I was a single guy in my mid 30s and was playing around without serious intentions. During my playing around days, I accumulated several friends that were simply party friends and were nothing more (no possibility of a long-term relationship).

Several important virtues that I think are critical to a successful relationship are honesty, transparency, and communication. With that in mind, I am stuck in a situation that I don�t quite know how to handle. Once I started to date my girlfriend, I severed all ties to the party girls and told them that I was now in a committed relationship and that I could not and would not want to party with them any longer. But over the past month I have been contacted by several party girls who were checking in on how my relationship was coming along and wanted to see if we could get together.

Initially I thought that it was fair to explain this to my GF in the hopes that she would understand -- and that if by some chance she came across these texts or e-mails, she would not misinterpret them. But as time went on, these emails became a bit more frequent and much more inappropriate.

My initial course of action was to completely ignore the communications with the hopes that they would just stop. That turned out to be not the case. While I think my GF handled the initial conversation very well and appreciated my honesty, I think that this might take a toll on her in the long run (as I got a fairly graphic and detailed text that I shared with her a few days ago). I do not want to lie to her, but I think it would not be prudent for me to keep sharing these messages with her.

� AG, Boston

Diva Sez: I don't know about this guy...

Responses:

quote: - b. Nov 3, 13:26
it took them over a year to become exclusive? -- nm - Andie Nov 3, 13:09 12
- Translation: He got her pregnant, paid for her abortion, and feels guilty about her resulting depression... -- nm - znufrii Nov 3, 13:11 2
  - this says so much more about z than it does about the writer... -- nm - TFox Nov 3, 13:12 1
    - It's definitely a lock for strangest reply of the week. -- nm - David Nov 3, 13:22
- and, can't you block people? -- nm - Andie Nov 3, 13:10 7
  - Have the email go directly to trash? -- nm - mara Nov 3, 13:12 6
    - just mark it as spam a few times and it should do it itself, and if it's phone texts and he REALLY wants them to stop, then get a new number. -- nm - Andie Nov 3, 13:20 3
      - That's not fair. Knowing guys, he's probably enabling them somehow. Marking them as spam might get them into trouble, or lock them out of their acco -- nm - con_carne Nov 3, 13:22 2
        
        Eff all of you effing spammers! -- nm - zeitgeist si Nov 3, 13:27 1
        
        heh. -- nm - kelly Nov 3, 13:35
    - Or, make a folder called "Ego Time!" -- nm - con_carne Nov 3, 13:13
    - But I have to *share* with my SO... -- nm - AG si Nov 3, 13:13
- We are hard to resist. -- nm - Huge Quantities of Party Girls si Nov 3, 13:09
You know how you stop graphic emails from coming? You say, "Stop sending me those graphic emails." He doesn't want them to stop. -- nm - David Nov 3, 13:05 3
- But we can't. He's too awesome. -- nm - Vast Numbers of Party Girls si Nov 3, 13:06 2
  - I want to play his phallus like the flute of the Pied Piper of yore, and let it's erect melody attract a plethora of other party girls. -- nm - party girl si Nov 3, 13:08
  - Either he's packin or he's lyin - Trick or Pippy Nov 3, 13:07
The gf has obviously encouraged the party girls to tempt him as a test. He should hire someone to seduce the gf as a test too. -- nm - Max Nov 3, 13:05
set up a password for your e-mail and delete the text messages after you've read them. She'll never know, easy peasy -- nm - CQ Nov 3, 13:02
Jumpin' Jeebus. STOP SHARING, DUMBASS. - Dr.Vermin Nov 3, 13:02 2
- I think you're a very attractive man. -- nm - Mop (231 lbs) Nov 3, 13:06
- Listen to what this one chick wants to do with me... Is that even physically possible? -- nm - dude Nov 3, 13:04
Here, let me dip into my extensive experience with this sort of problem... -- nm - con_carne Nov 3, 13:00
And my real answer: he hasn't told these women to stop, which is going to end up being the real problem. - TFox Nov 3, 13:00 4
- Kudos for being graphic about it? - Spawn Nov 3, 13:03 1
  - I think being honest, considering he didn't write it, is actually the right play with many women. But, like, in tandem with that... - TFox Nov 3, 13:05
- Myriad numbers of party girls are just not taking 'no' for an answer!! What should I do?!! -- nm - AG si Nov 3, 13:02 1
  - (granted, I didn't really say 'no' technically. I just neglected to respond hoping they would (read: wouldn't) get the hint..." - AG si Nov 3, 13:04
When did Redmond move to Boston? -- nm - TFox Nov 3, 12:58 4
- This is clearly The Idol. -- nm - Spawn Nov 3, 13:05 3
  - Mel needs one of those party girls -- nm - lone canadian leafs fan Nov 3, 13:08 2
    - Why is that? -- nm - Diva Nov 3, 13:12 1
      - Hey, where's the popcorn? -- nm - kelly Nov 3, 13:13

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boston.com Love Letter: How much should I share?

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