boston.com Love Letter Response to Confused About His Confusion
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Nov 4 '09, 08:59
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I�m confused about your confusion about his potential confusion, CAHPC.
You say that if your boyfriend told you he had an interest in men, you would understand. (if he�s curious, it�s not a problem with me)
You would, however, be upset if he was keeping his interest a secret.
My gut (which knows less than your gut because I�m not there) tells me that he�s telling you the truth about the website. The gay site came up once � it was timed to your friend�s visit � yadda, yadda, as you would say.
It seems to me that if you're telling the truth about how you feel, all you need to say to your boyfriend is � �Hey, if you�re ever interested in those sites � or men in general � don�t be afraid to tell me.� Explain (calmly) that you weren�t accusing him because you judge his varied interests � you were just concerned about the secrecy.
Let him know that to you, cheating is cheating, no matter the gender. Despite your curiosity in women, you wouldn�t lead a secret life. You�d tell him so he could make decisions accordingly.
Maybe apologize for freaking out. Then leave the issue alone. What else is there to say?
I�d also take a moment to make sure you�ve defined your confusion appropriately. Is this really just about the secrecy? Don�t be afraid to be honest with yourself about your real fears and insecurities. If the idea of your boyfriend looking at gay websites freaks you out a little, that�s normal. You�re human. You don�t have to try to stop your head from spinning.
I guess I�m not totally convinced that this is just about secrecy. But this is a democracy
Diva sez: And this is a long-distance thing? He's about to go out and find someone waaaaay less neurotic. Like the doorman.
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