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bonus hax chat q for the ladies: how does a woman decide whether to change her name when she gets hitched?

Posted by giganto (aka chris) Nov 20 '09, 11:29

Ariz.: Hi, Carolyn. How does a female decide if or if not to change her name upon marriage? I just got married, and I cannot make up my mind. I see valid reasons for both choices, and while I've kept mine until I reach a final decision, I go back and forth on it often.

p.s. I find it totally irritating that men do not generally deal with this issue.

Responses:

if her new last name is Krotchsniffer. nm -- nm - groiny Nov 20, 11:37
I wanted us both to simply drop our last names, but that didn't happen. -- nm - Spawn Nov 20, 11:35
Just don't do the hyphenation thing. That's dumb. - Dr.Vermin Nov 20, 11:35 3
- A cousin and his wife took their names and the maiden names of their mothers and created a whole brand new name for themselves. -- nm - Name Withheld By Request Nov 20, 11:36 2
  - That's awesome. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Nov 20, 11:38
  - Well, if you marry your own cousin, you sorta have to. -- nm - Spawn Nov 20, 11:37
sorry, baby, the surname is hitched to the Y chromosome. -- nm - Max Nov 20, 11:35
GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN! -- nm - Beaker Nov 20, 11:35 1
- L3! -- nm - Epiphany Nov 20, 11:36
I would just as soon do away with changing names altogether -- nm - znufrii Nov 20, 11:34 22
- I'm also not against the idea of handing down last names matrilinearly... -- nm - znufrii Nov 20, 11:39 15
  - holy *fuck*, did you forge that word in the fires of Mordor? - TFox Nov 20, 11:40 13
    - you need to expand your vocabulary. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:41 12
      - no i don't. there are words i understand just fine, and yet don't use because they are not fit for general usage. - TFox Nov 20, 11:42 10
        
        Since Spawn dinged in with his "the opposite of Loosi" post, I'll ding in with a "Loosi is right" post. That word described EXACTLY what he meant. - TWuG Nov 20, 11:45
        
        *ding* - Spawn Nov 20, 11:43
        
        it was the right word for what he meant. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:43 7
        
        it doesn't matter. words have one purpose: to communicate. when you use words like that, you are not attempting to communicate in the clearest way. - TFox Nov 20, 11:44 5
        
        The word described EXACTLY what he meant. And did so with ONE word instead of the 5 you'd take. Being concise is a virtue. -- nm - TWuG Nov 20, 11:46
        
        I don't understand how that word is unclear in the slightest. - znufrii Nov 20, 11:45 2
        
        heh - "thereof". Stop bullying TFox :) -- nm - Roger More Nov 20, 11:46 1
        
        it's not my fault he's scared by big words. -- nm - znufrii Nov 20, 11:47
        
        all righty then. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:44
        
        thank you. -- nm - znufrii Nov 20, 11:44
      - his vocabulary is fine..... - groiny Nov 20, 11:42
  - of course you're not. -- nm - Reagen Nov 20, 11:39
- [deleted]
- Yes, Princess Unicorn. -- nm - Diva Nov 20, 11:35 4
  - Znufrii Bananahammock -- nm - Max Nov 20, 11:36
  - who *wouldn't* want to be "mr. deevs"? -- nm - giganto Nov 20, 11:36 1
    - !!! -- nm - Diva Nov 20, 11:39
  - L5 -- nm - Beaker Nov 20, 11:35
My wife kept her name for several reasons: No brothers to carry it forward. She liked her last name. - TWuG Nov 20, 11:34
I would love to know her husband's take on this - does he care? not care? it's totally up to her? -- nm - Epiphany Nov 20, 11:33
a million different reasons. it's personal. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:30
Men changing our names at marriage? I'm all for equality and stuff, but lets not unmake the universe. -- nm - TFox Nov 20, 11:30 32
- I know a couple of guys who did, Grandpa. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:31 25
  - Unless their last name was Buttlick or something, they deserve a lifetime of ridicule for doing that. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Nov 20, 11:36 7
    - why? -- nm - Andie Nov 20, 11:37 6
      - Because I find it ridiculous. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Nov 20, 11:39 2
        
        who cares what you think? -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:40 1
        
        Luke Skywalker. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Nov 20, 11:41
      - It destroys the sanctity of marriage, Andie. Plus, it makes the woman think she's an equal to or better than her husband. -- nm - TWuG Nov 20, 11:39
      - because they're probably bottoms. Now the secret's out. -- nm - Max Nov 20, 11:38
      - It screws up family trees. - Spawn Nov 20, 11:38
  - I'm not saying no one ever should, but I don't want a world where that needs to be a debate and coin flip for most couples. - TFox Nov 20, 11:33 16
    - welcome to the life of women. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:34
    - (for men) -- nm - giganto Nov 20, 11:33 14
      - No, our exes are supposed to be able to find us. Not so for women. -- nm - Spawn Nov 20, 11:36
      - for both. most women who change their names don't have to explain why they did all the time. if that convention falls, they would. - TFox Nov 20, 11:34 12
        
        ftr, i have exactly one friend who changed her name. -- nm - Andie Nov 20, 11:35 9
        
        I think all of my wife's friends changed their names. -- nm - Reagen Nov 20, 11:43 1
        
        i really believe a big part of the choice is regional. in some places no-one does it, in others everyone does. - Andie Nov 20, 11:44
        
        I would say most of my friends and relatives changed their names. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:42 1
        
        And then all had to explain their reasons why. -- nm - Jim Nov 20, 11:43
        
        I think I am 12/12 for knowing couples that the female changed her name. -- nm - Spawn Nov 20, 11:42
        
        Yeah, it's running just over 50% in my circle of friends. Definitely on the decline. -- nm - Name Withheld By Request Nov 20, 11:39
        
        Amy! -- nm - Spawn Nov 20, 11:38 1
        
        oh, right. two friends. :) -- nm - Andie Nov 20, 11:41
        
        which is fine. i'm not even saying women should. -- nm - TFox Nov 20, 11:37
        
        hmmmm ... seems like my friends/family have had to explain their choice to *someone* no matter what. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:35 1
        
        Seriously? Does anyone really ask for an "explanation"? - Spawn Nov 20, 11:45
- i know (well, know *of*, through friends) two men who took their wives names. -- nm - Andie Nov 20, 11:31 5
  - The family lawyer and his wife combined (not hyphenated) their last names. Part opf his, part of hers for a new last name. -- nm - TWuG Nov 20, 11:35
  - "you know my friends Beth and.....Beth" -- nm - prayformojo Nov 20, 11:32 1
    - :) - Andie Nov 20, 11:35
  - I know one of those, and also a guy who hyphenated his name with his wife's name. And a couple who both took a new name. -- nm - loosilu Nov 20, 11:31
  - i would -- nm - giganto Nov 20, 11:31
oh for...... everyone decides for their own reasons. figure out yours. sheesh. -- nm - Andie Nov 20, 11:30 9
- No shit...what a dumb ass question. Wanna change it? Change it. Don't want to? Don't. Next question. -- nm - Jim Nov 20, 11:33 2
  - [deleted] 1
    - No, I don't think we are. :) -- nm - Jim Nov 20, 11:38
- This was my exact reason. -- nm - pmb Nov 20, 11:32
- no, but seriously. what factors into a woman's decision (i'm genuinely curious) -- nm - giganto Nov 20, 11:31 3
  - personally - my husband wanted me to. It made him happy, so I changed it. - Epiphany Nov 20, 11:35
  - i'm sure there's a million more reasons, but here's what i have off the top of my head... - Andie Nov 20, 11:33
  - How you feel about your family. Whether you have established a career with your maiden name. How traditional you are. - loosilu Nov 20, 11:33
- *exasperated as well ding* -- nm - Diva Nov 20, 11:30

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bonus hax chat q for the ladies: how does a woman decide whether to change her name when she gets hitched?

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