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boston.com Love Letters: A Christmas Rebound

Posted by Divatar (aka Diva) Dec 22 '09, 13:19

Dear Meredith,

This is one I hope you�ll be kind enough to answer before Christmas, as I don�t have much time left to decide.

I had an on-and-off (mostly on) long-distance boyfriend for 3.5 years. It ended six weeks ago for good after I found out he sent inappropriate messages to his roommate�s ex-girlfriend, who was living close by. I initiated the split, but I was and still am in love with him. However, it has come to light that he is hooking up with that same girl, which has destroyed me. I really want to start moving past him, or at least give myself something else to focus on.

Enter "Mike."

I met Mike last November when I was living in Texas, and I moved back to Massachusetts in April. We have kept in touch since I left, and it has always been platonic. He did ask me out once while I was still dating my ex, and I said no. To be honest, had I been single, I probably still would have said no. I�m really not attracted to him, but he�s a very nice person and I enjoy his company. I have spared him the grisly details of my failed romance, other than to say I want to move on and get my rebound going. He joked that he should be my rebound, and when I joked back that it would be perfect because we�re friends and there would be no strings attached, it went from joke to proposal to reality. I have a ticket booked to visit him for a week starting on Christmas day, with the sole purpose being rebound companionship.

Here�s my issue: I can separate my feelings from the physical, and having an NSA week with a friend isn�t going to pose a problem for me, but I�m concerned about Mike. Is this fair to him, knowing that at one time he had some sort of romantic feelings for me? He has said that there are no expectations beyond the week, and this situation is perfect for him. I don�t want to be the idiot friend who ends up inadvertently using someone who doesn�t want to be used because I missed some glaringly obvious sign or something.

Do I take him at his word that he�s fine with this? My friends are encouraging me to go visit and just enjoy myself, but there is a little nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps saying, �Friends-with-benefits never works!� Even if that FWB situation is only for a very specific week, is that voice still right? I want to go back to being friends with him when I leave, but do friends-with-benefits-type situations ever work in the long-run? Or have I already doomed this friendship?

� Friend With(out) Benefits, Cape Cod

Diva sez: Oh sure, nothing could go wrong here.

Responses:

Ellin Woods? - mr. squiggles Dec 22, 13:36 1
- *slow clap to full clap* - Pippy Bells Dec 22, 13:45
why are there no doormen in Massasschuttes? -- nm - Pippy Bells Dec 22, 13:32
"I�m really not attracted to him" ....then you should obviously play a no strings attached sex week with him. -- nm - David Dec 22, 13:31 16
- [deleted] 13
  - out of stater, me thinks. anyone local and she'd have to deal with it all the time -- nm - CQ Dec 22, 13:36 7
    - Redmond missed it by -that- much. -- nm - David Dec 22, 13:42
    - If she's savvy enought o have intercepted the ex's text msgs.... - Dr.Vermin Dec 22, 13:39 2
      - savvy? she's an idiot -- nm - CQ Dec 22, 13:40 1
        
        We agree. 'tech-savvy', I meant to write. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Dec 22, 13:44
    - Honestly, a nearly free week's vacation enters into it. - Let it Spawn, let it Spawn, let it Spawn! Dec 22, 13:37
    - plus, she's ugly -- nm - CQ Dec 22, 13:36 1
      - heh -- nm - TFox Dec 22, 13:37
  - The answer appears to be that he was the only one who asked. Dear Miss Self-Esteem Issues... -- nm - David Dec 22, 13:35 4
    - Right now, her self-esteem *is* low enough to date him. -- nm - Loosi Lou Who Dec 22, 13:41
    - ah -- nm - znu invictus Dec 22, 13:37
    - The fact that she apparently has no family to hang out with on Christmas certainly supports this. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Dec 22, 13:37
    - *ding* -- nm - TFox Dec 22, 13:36
- Exactly. -- nm - Loyola Dec 22, 13:32
- (plan) -- nm - David Dec 22, 13:31
I guess I'm in the minority. Sounds like she's been pretty clear with him and he's fine. Of course he may not be and it could go wrong. That's the - pmb Dec 22, 13:31 3
- I think once the other person has had romantic feelings, it is hard to believe it is "fine" with them. -- nm - Loosi Lou Who Dec 22, 13:42 1
  - If they live so far away from each other, why does it matter? - con_carne Dec 22, 13:44
- I'm not saying she shouldn't do it, just that it likely won't end well. -- nm - znu invictus Dec 22, 13:33
She's giving Mike too much credit. Chances are he thinks he won the lottery, and will be relieved when he can go on to the next girl. -- nm - con_carne Dec 22, 13:27
(also: a week? a weekend for some FWB jamming, maximum. the end of that week is gonna *suck*.) -- nm - TFox Dec 22, 13:27 1
- Stupid holidays being a week apart. But you are correct, they need to split before NYE so they can jam elsewhere. -- nm - Let it Spawn, let it Spawn, let it Spawn! Dec 22, 13:29
Of course FWB works, but you'll probably screw it up anyway, you crazy person. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Dec 22, 13:26
[deleted]
whore!!! -- nm - Beaker Dec 22, 13:25
this chick is a dumbass. *laughing* -- nm - CQ Dec 22, 13:24
i think she should go, and, yes, it will get messy. -- nm - Elf Andie Dec 22, 13:24
Enter: disaster -- nm - Let it Spawn, let it Spawn, let it Spawn! Dec 22, 13:23
Hmmm, what signs could she possibly be missing? -- nm - Loosi Lou Who Dec 22, 13:22 4
- *lights the "look lady, even loosi gets it!" flares* -- nm - TFox Dec 22, 13:24 3
  - please, I always assume disaster will ensue. -- nm - Loosi Lou Who Dec 22, 13:25 2
    - *lights the "lady, you are the situation where the stopped clock is right" flares* -- nm - TFox Dec 22, 13:25 1
      - the clock stops a lot in my world. -- nm - Loosi Lou Who Dec 22, 13:27
yeah, that ain't gonna end well... -- nm - znu invictus Dec 22, 13:22
*wishes he had friends with benefits* - tRuMaN Dec 22, 13:21 12
- FWB is easy. -- nm - Loosi Lou Who Dec 22, 13:23 1
  - well, for girls it is. - groiny Dec 22, 13:24
- get out and meet some -- nm - Elf Andie Dec 22, 13:22
- well, it is safe to say, that will not find them playing X Box on Friday nights..... - groiny Dec 22, 13:22 7
  - "OK, pick up the grenade... ok, now put it down. now pick it up again. ok, faster...." -- nm - truman si Dec 22, 13:23
  - *shocked* - tRuMaN Dec 22, 13:23 5
    - in all seriously, you need to meet some new people. - Elf Andie Dec 22, 13:25 3
      - st seems to think I have no life outside st - tRuMaN Dec 22, 13:28 2
        
        i get the impression from your posts that you are locked to work like a beaten puppy chained to a radiator, yes. - TFox Dec 22, 13:29 1
        
        yep, mine too. -- nm - Elf Andie Dec 22, 13:30
    - you were married once too.... - groiny Dec 22, 13:23
- [deleted]
FWB situations can totally sometimes work, but no chance in hell in this case. -- nm - TFox Dec 22, 13:20

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boston.com Love Letters: A Christmas Rebound

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