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boston.com Love Letters response to Of Course You're A Hypocrite...

HIB, how odd. You�ve never met this other man, but he�s a confidant � a part of your daily routine.

Yes, you�re a hypocrite for e-mailing with some dude all day when you banned your partner from doing something similar. I�d like to think that you haven�t told your fianc� about this relationship because it would be difficult to explain. �Honey, I�ve had an online pen pal for five years. We�ve never met. We�re not going to.� Sounds kind of weird when you say it, right?

Some readers will disagree, but my advice isn�t to have some big sit-down with your partner so that you can confess to the electronic relationship. My advice is to start weaning yourself off of the online relationship. Five years ago, the pen pal was a distraction � something to get excited about. One or two years ago, he was probably a source of male attention that made your real relationship less scary. Now, you�re getting married. I�m not sure what this guy is doing for you in the present. Maybe he�s just a good friend with absolutely no in-person benefits. But you�ve made a commitment to trust that your real relationship will work. It seems like the right time to start letting go of all of the crutches and back-up plans.

Can you do that? If not, you need to ask yourself why and take a closer look at this engagement.



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