ST Alpha - "boston.com Love Letters - He won't do distance." (Reading a Post)

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boston.com Love Letters - He won't do distance.

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Jan 20 '10, 08:02

Dear Meredith,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months now and everything is going really well. He's family-orientated, respectful, caring, and sweet. I have never been happier and I'm falling for him. However, we do, like any couple, have bumps in the road and part of me keeps wondering if it's me or if he�s just not that into me.

About 3 months into our relationship, he told me that he is divorced. It hit me like a ton of bricks because I always thought I would marry a guy that has never been married (like me) and it'd be our first and last together. But then I realized, it just like having another ex and everyone has exes and it by no means changes how I feel about him. He waited because he likes me and didn�t want to scare me off. I completely understand. Since then, we have been really strong -- always having fun and enjoying each other's company.

The big problem right now is that I�m up for a job in Rhode Island and he says if I move there, we stop dating because he doesn't do distance. I should tell you now that we met online and he says he wouldn't have even clicked on my profile if I was in Rhode Island. I have done the distance thing (I dated a guy in Texas for 3 years in college) as did he (he dated his ex while she was in college in NH). I know distance, but I feel Rhode Island isn't distance! It�s 2 hours, if that! Part of me thinks this is a clear sign that he's just not that into me and I should say good-bye. When I asked him why he won't do distance, he said it's because he did it with his ex-wife and got too clingy and didn't want to do that again.

Part of me is waiting for the three words or a clear sign that he wants to be with me, because if that�s the case I'm not taking the job. The job would totally help my career but the thought of potential love is more important. He is also very, very guarded about his emotions. The romance is all on me. I will say I am a hopeless romantic: cards, candles, care packages, etc. His idea of the perfect gift is a card with money so I can go get what I want. I feel that there is no effort with that. If he took me to a store I like and told me to pick out something and I�d pay for it, that�d be one thing, but what he�s doing shows he doesn�t even care. Apparently, the ex returned everything he bought her so he doesn't want to have to go and make yet another return.

He was really hurt by his ex and has a wall built up. He told me he used to be really romantic and affectionate, but he won�t do the same things as he did with her because he's afraid of being hurt. I know this and I understand it, but I feel as though I'm paying for the ex's mistakes.

With the job offer approaching, I don't know how I can figure out what I'm going to do. When I asked him if the shoe was on the other foot, would he take the job, he responded "of course" -- no thought of me at all. I left his place and he followed saying that he didn't want to lose me but he didn't want to stand in the way of my career.

I�ve been hurt but I'm still willing to sit at the table and get dealt the next hand. He's at the table, but he�s ready to leave when the bet is too much to gamble. We are both playing � why is it that I am the only one to bet it all?

� Gambling With Her Mistakes, Saugus

Diva sez: o.f.f.s. - Why do so many women allow themselves to stay with men who can't/won't/don't nurture/cherish them just so they can say "I have a boyfriend."?

Responses:

she should bang his best friend. nm -- nm - groiny Jan 20, 08:12 2
- [deleted] 1
  - I have a lot of friends. nm -- nm - groiny Jan 20, 08:15
He's just not that into you. - pmb Jan 20, 08:08
Honestly, while it sucks, she should appreciate his honesty. She doesn't have to like it... - Jim Jan 20, 08:07 1
- men can't win. nm -- nm - groiny Jan 20, 08:17
ummm, "waiting for those three words"??? Is she actually making a decision based on a girl who hasn't told her that he loves her? -- nm - zork Jan 20, 08:07
*agrees with Diva* -- nm - znufrii Jan 20, 08:06
Calling Boston to RI "distance" is pretty funny, in all honesty. -- nm - TFox Jan 20, 08:06 1
- In his defence, if he lived where I do, 2 hours would be the other side of the country. -- nm - Loyola Jan 20, 08:09
*Quietly takes Boston.com Love Letters away from Diva* -- nm - Mel Profit Jan 20, 08:05
Take the job, forget about him. -- nm - Loyola Jan 20, 08:05 12
- word. if 2 hours away is a deal breaker ladies he has bigger issues. -- nm - Beaker Jan 20, 08:05 11
  - I don't know exactly where they live, but I bet it's not even two hours. -- nm - TFox Jan 20, 08:06 10
    - Saugus - znufrii Jan 20, 08:12 9
      - Google Maps calls it 1 hr, 1 minute. That's not distance. That's "a typical area commute". -- nm - TFox Jan 20, 08:15 8
        
        maybe he's got a really slow car, or is afraid of highways... -- nm - znufrii Jan 20, 08:21 4
        
        Maybe he's 8000lbs and can't stand up. -- nm - Loyola Jan 20, 08:22
        
        If only the commuter rail was easy as shit... -- nm - TFox Jan 20, 08:22 1
        
        would be if Boston ever got their sh!t together and built the North-South rail link. -- nm - znufrii Jan 20, 08:23
        
        damn horse and buggy! -- nm - Beaker Jan 20, 08:22
        
        [deleted] 1
        
        They are both pretty lame. -- nm - TFox Jan 20, 08:19
        
        lmao. - groiny Jan 20, 08:18
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boston.com Love Letters - He won't do distance.

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