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friday hax chat question: what to do when your best friend's SO is always there?

Posted by pigby (aka chris) Nov 21 '08, 10:04

Washington, D.C. : My best friend has a serious boyfriend, and I do not. She and I are in our early twenties and live in different cities, so we have limited opportunities to see each other. The two of them, meanwhile, live together. The problem is that whenever I visit her, or vice versa, there is an unspoken understanding that he will come along. I like him, so this isn't really a problem, but it does become frustrating when I just want to see her, or want to have girl talk, you know?

Also, the fact that they are a package deal tends to stack the deck against me when it comes to making plans - their two votes easily override my one when we're deciding where to go for dinner or who should come to whom. (His vote, of course, always matches hers.) It feels kind of unfair, like I'm being punished for being a singleton, while she's being rewarded for having a devoted partner.

Even my limited experience has taught me never to take issue with the SOs of friends, so I am hesitant to complain about this. However, this is really changing the nature of our friendship and making me feel pretty hurt. Should I just chalk this up to the natural progression of things, or is there anything I can do to address it?

Responses:

Heh. I had a similar experience with one of my exes. - kelly Nov 21, 10:17
Next visit, just book a girlie thing, find something nice for the dude to for that time. -- nm - Amy Nov 21, 10:13 7
- Coupons to the titty bar always make great stocking stuffers. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Nov 21, 10:18
- talk about really really really girlie stuff, and the dude will find other options on his own. -- nm - Max Nov 21, 10:16
- isn't he an adult who can find things to do for himself? -- nm - loosilu Nov 21, 10:16 2
  - ... but how do you tell him that ? (as the friend) -- nm - Hammed Uzi Nov 21, 10:24 1
    - his girlfriend needs to. -- nm - loosilu Nov 21, 10:26
- mani/pedi/spa wrap luncheon -- nm - znufrii Nov 21, 10:14 1
  - and the the girls can go do whatever.... -- nm - znufrii Nov 21, 10:17
circle of life, deal with it -- nm - crash davis Nov 21, 10:10 9
- hmm, isnt that what remlik says to you every time he kills you in halo? -- nm - tRuMaN Nov 21, 10:11 3
  - remlik is nowhere near as eloquent, he just issues excited grunts when that happens - crash davis Nov 21, 10:13 1
    - hmm, ok, I should try to remember to use that as my reply when I kill you. - tRuMaN Nov 21, 10:15
  - No, Remlik's battlecry is "I *AM* Judge Judy and Executioner!" -- nm - Beryllium Nov 21, 10:12
- Hey are you going to finish our Chess match? -- nm - amoxy Nov 21, 10:10 4
  - are you getting hyper because you're winning for once? - crash davis Nov 21, 10:12 3
    - Yeah Thanks -- nm - amoxy Nov 21, 10:13 2
      - seriously, good job :) -- nm - crash davis Nov 21, 10:13 1
        
        sigh, I need to play more chess. - tRuMaN Nov 21, 10:16
Wait a minute...Pixie is a chick? -- nm - amoxy Nov 21, 10:08 1
- sounds like it -- nm - Stacy Nov 21, 10:10
go to a bar and find some Woo Girls? -- nm - prayformojo Nov 21, 10:08 1
- or, what jax said -- nm - prayformojo Nov 21, 10:08
Settle it on the Springer Show. -- nm - VMan Nov 21, 10:08
i don't know, talk to her and tell her you'd like a little *alone* time with her once in awhile? - kare Nov 21, 10:07 5
- How is the relationship going? Mine is going pretty good again - amoxy Nov 21, 10:10 4
  - you are back together? that's good, everyone happy? - kare Nov 21, 10:13 3
    - Hrmm.... - Trish Nov 21, 10:20 1
      - hee hee - kare Nov 21, 10:23
    - Yep, got back together 2 weeks ago - amoxy Nov 21, 10:16
steal her boyfriend, obvie. -- nm - znufrii Nov 21, 10:07
"We need to have a girl's night out. Or a girl's vacation getaway." - con_carne Nov 21, 10:07
quit your effin whining and deal with it -- nm - CQ with a gravy boat Nov 21, 10:06 4
- I hate to be harsh, but come on. it's life -- nm - CQ with a gravy boat Nov 21, 10:09 3
  - it's life to an extent... but your bf/husband shouldn't be your only friend, and when you don't put any effort into your friendships - kare Nov 21, 10:14 2
    - this is true. -- nm - CQ with a gravy boat Nov 21, 10:17
    - exactly. it's not healthy to give up your individual identity completely." -- nm - loosilu Nov 21, 10:17
Have your girl talk on the phone. Alternately, get a SO of your own and double. - Dr.Vermin Nov 21, 10:05 7
- i make a huge effort to leave jeff behind and do things with the girls. he needs his alone time as much as i do. -- nm - kare Nov 21, 10:08 6
  - I agree with karecumber. -- nm - loosilu Nov 21, 10:11 2
    - Well, yes, that's an admirable practice. But that choice is up to the other friend, not the whiny friend. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Nov 21, 10:16 1
      - and that is how you lose friends. -- nm - loosilu Nov 21, 10:17
  - "make yourself scarce, cutie. mama's gotta do some drinking with the gals" -- nm - pigby Nov 21, 10:09 2
    - Either that or start a discussion about feminine hygiene. That should make him want to leave. -- nm - VMan Nov 21, 10:11 1
      - "And then I felt..." "So I had too..." "Ugh, so gross..." -- nm - lileve Nov 21, 10:12
3-some. -- nm - Beaker Nov 21, 10:05
She keeps getting talkblocked? She needs to watch HIMYM. -- nm - JaxSean Nov 21, 10:05

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friday hax chat question: what to do when your best friend's SO is always there?

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