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boston.com Love Letters: Her timing is off.

Posted by Diva (aka Diva) Mar 1 '10, 09:29

Dear Meredith,

I love your column. You are always so realistic with people in a very kind way. That isn't easy to do.

Here is my conundrum. Recently, I have started to have strong feelings towards a close male friend of mine who lives in New York. We went on 2 dates a couple of years ago when we lived in the same city, but it didn't work out, mostly because I was going through a very difficult period in my life and wasn't ready to truly give myself to a relationship. We became very close friends and have always sort of hovered in that friends-or-more-than-friends space. I'd thought about moving it to the next level, but always decided against it, mostly because of the distance issue and fear of losing him as a friend. I've tried to start relationships with other male friends before and it has always gone terribly, so admittedly I've been nervous and very tentative. Probably too much.

But after the last time I was visited him, in January, I started thinking about my feelings for him again and a couple weeks later, a few of our common friends confronted me about it and told me not to worry about the distance if I really felt something. They suggested that I just go to New York again and tell him how I feel. The weekend in question also happened to be Valentine's Day, though I kept that out of the equation. I emailed him nervously and he replied the next day, saying how he had also had a great time the last visit and he would be happy to see me, except that he had started seeing a girl and had made plans with her on Valentine's Day. My heart just sank. Only 3 weeks had passed and out of the blue, he was dating someone.

Now I don't know what to do. Neither of us has dated anyone seriously in the time we've been close friends. Obviously, I'm frustrated at the timing and heartbroken that there's someone else. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel anyway, hoping maybe he'd pick me because of our history, but the other part thinks that is totally unrealistic and setting myself up for a fall. I have always been very passive in my love life and it has never worked for me. This is a person I could see myself potentially marrying and I hate the idea of just giving up, but I don't know what else to do. Now I wonder if this is a sign that it isn't meant to be. Help!!

� Queen of Bad Timing, Brookline

Diva sez: First of all, relax.

Responses:

transliation: -- nm - znufrii Mar 1, 09:45 11
- sfek. translation: My friend is cool, and I feel like I'm running out of options, so I might as well try and grab him while I can, right? -- nm - znufrii Mar 1, 09:46 10
  - [deleted] 8
    - huh? - znufrii Mar 1, 09:50 7
      - [deleted] 6
        
        I'm confused... -- nm - znufrii Mar 1, 09:51 5
        
        [deleted] 4
        
        because I'm lame and I suck at actually getting my sh!t together to invite people over. -- nm - znufrii Mar 1, 09:53 2
        
        [deleted] 1
        
        It is pretty obvious: she forgot his birthday. - Spawn Mar 1, 09:57
        
        It is like he is married with children. -- nm - Spawn Mar 1, 09:52
  - actually, I can see this. -- nm - loosilu Mar 1, 09:48
It is definitely a sign that is not meant to be *right now*. - musubi Mar 1, 09:38
she's very passive about her love life and it has never worked. Well, I think you answered your own question, toots -- nm - CQ Mar 1, 09:36
My feeling if you're going to say, "I think I could really fall in love with you," forget it. If you can say, "I've realized I'm falling in love with - mara Mar 1, 09:36 3
- what if a) is really a cover for b)? -- nm - loosilu Mar 1, 09:36 2
  - ?? What if she's lying, you mean? Then her problem has nothing to do with her feelings and I don't care what she does. -- nm - mara Mar 1, 09:38 1
    - good point. -- nm - loosilu Mar 1, 09:39
She needs to put on an adult diaper, drive her ass down to NYC and take care of that rival! -- nm - decline Mar 1, 09:34
She should have put her quarter up to hold "next". -- nm - Reagen Mar 1, 09:34 1
- At the very least called "Next, no butcherbacks". - musubi Mar 1, 09:39
He just started seeing her, all is not lost. But I do understand the "oh krap" feeling. -- nm - loosilu Mar 1, 09:33
I'm not sure this answer is right, but my gut says "The definition of insanity is....." - ty97 Mar 1, 09:33
(s)he who hesitates is lost. these things happen. more fish in the sea, start fishing chicka -- nm - jingoist pixie Mar 1, 09:31
"Only 3 weeks had passed and out of the blue, he was dating someone" CHEATING MANWHORE! - oblique Mar 1, 09:30

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boston.com Love Letters: Her timing is off.

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