Love Letters response to: Moving Towards Disaster
Posted by
Lady MacDiva (aka Diva)
Mar 2 '10, 08:05
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A: He's freaked out by the idea of you moving across the country for him because he's not ready to promise himself to you for good, MTD. That's fair, except for the fact that you've been together for more than a year. By now, Jack should be able to tell you whether he wants to break up or stay together. He should be able to explain his hopes, even if he can't commit to them. Sadly, he wants to be passive while you make choices for both of you. How very college of him.
My advice is to get him to describe his dream situation for next year, no matter how selfish it sounds. He might say, "I want you to move, but I want to be able to dump you without feeling guilty if I find that I'd rather party at school." Or he might say, "I want to be at school alone for three months before I decide whether I want you there." Get some honesty and then make decisions accordingly. It sounds like a "maybe" is all you need.
I empathize with him. It's not easy to be someone's reason for a life-changing decision, especially when you're 23 and going back to college. All he owes you is honesty. Tell him it's safe to disclose his selfish wants for next year because it makes it easier for you to make a smart choice. And really, if it turns out that his selfish desire is to have you down the street, perhaps you should consider moving to the same zip code. Do you really want to move across the country only to have to drive hours to see him?
Readers? What does this mean? Is he one foot out the door? Is he simply scared of her big decision and what it means? Is he allowed to tell her this is all about what she wants to do? Thoughts on her move? Share. Take care of you.
� Meredith
Diva sez: I think I liked Andie's response better.
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