ST Alpha - "what i don't understand is why the wronged person spends so much energy and effort trying to come up with reasons to "make it work"" (Reading a Post)

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what i don't understand is why the wronged person spends so much energy and effort trying to come up with reasons to "make it work"

Posted by 16 & pixie (aka chris) Mar 4 '10, 12:18

they cheated on you. there's your answer.

Responses:

For me at least, it's because I don't accept divorce as an option in my marriage - oblique Mar 4, 12:26 29
- right. just because one of the vows got broken doesn't mean both people take every promise they made and throw them out the window. - TFox Mar 4, 12:28 28
  - [deleted] 24
    - both parties have the right to walk away, i guess. it's not about "right". it should be about what makes you happy. - TFox Mar 4, 12:33 6
      - [deleted] 5
        
        Again, you're overlawyering this. The vows are ceremonial. You promise to love and take care of each other. The real rules of your marriage come - pmb Mar 4, 12:48 3
        
        [deleted] 1
        
        Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. It's your focus on the "vows" repeatedly that leads me to believe that you're looking for set in stone rules. There - pmb Mar 4, 12:56
        
        Let us compare and contrast the marriages of both znu and kilbo... -- nm - Spawn Mar 4, 12:50
        
        Traditional wedding vows are essentially: I'll love you forever - oblique Mar 4, 12:39
    - You're overthinking this. If it was a true contract people would negotiate the vows. He's basically using it as a reference. The rules are made by - pmb Mar 4, 12:33 16
      - [deleted] 15
        
        I'm just saying people don't really think about the "vows" as a practical matter. Nobody goes comparing behavior to the vows. -- nm - pmb Mar 4, 12:39
        
        dude. The consequences are that shit gets difficult. Sadly, many people are just as willing to cut and run than to actually work on it -- nm - oblique Mar 4, 12:38 13
        
        [deleted] 12
        
        Obviously there can be no "specific" consequences for a broad range of people. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Mar 4, 12:46 4
        
        [deleted] 3
        
        "get over it" is good advice, and plenty specific. - Dr.Vermin Mar 4, 12:58
        
        I think people have ideas based on how they know themselves, but I don't think you really have an answer until you find yourself in the circumstance. - pmb Mar 4, 12:53
        
        I don't think there's anything that the "victim" can do in this case. Anything you do to monitor or otherwise actively confirm things are not - oblique Mar 4, 12:51
        
        I think it's hard to be specific because they're all emotional consequences - introspection, guilt, shame, having to change, etc -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 12:43 4
        
        [deleted] 3
        
        There are different ways of doing that though. I mean, you can either force your way into their world (which may be counterproductive like you say) - Roger More Mar 4, 12:50 2
        
        [deleted] 1
        
        I think you would have to find positive ways of doing it. But you're not going to rebuild trust by becoming less involved with each other. -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 12:56
        
        There isn't a sentancing guideline for dicking someone over... - oblique Mar 4, 12:42 1
        
        This. -- nm - pmb Mar 4, 12:46
  - You are an anti-perfectionist! -- nm - Spawn Mar 4, 12:29 2
    - People who expect perfection in marriages have a lot to learn anyway. :) -- nm - TFox Mar 4, 12:30 1
      - *ding* -- nm - Spawn Mar 4, 12:31
There can be lots of reasons to try to get past it. They may or may not suffice in the end. It's a much easier response if the cheating happened - pmb Mar 4, 12:20
A flat tire??? Off to the junkyard with you, stupid broken car! -- nm - pixie si Mar 4, 12:20 4
- [deleted] 3
  - The tire, not the car. - Dr.Vermin Mar 4, 12:26
  - Yeah, cheating is the pentultimate harm to a relationship. The ultimate harm to a relationship is ... - Beryllium Mar 4, 12:23 1
    - ~YEAHHHHHHH!!!!~ -- nm - Diva Mar 4, 12:42
[deleted]
This is why Tim Gunn offers fashion advice, not dating advice. -- nm - Beryllium Mar 4, 12:19

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what i don't understand is why the wronged person spends so much energy and effort trying to come up with reasons to "make it work"

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