ST Alpha - "right. just because one of the vows got broken doesn't mean both people take every promise they made and throw them out the window." (Reading a Post)

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In response to "For me at least, it's because I don't accept divorce as an option in my marriage" by oblique

right. just because one of the vows got broken doesn't mean both people take every promise they made and throw them out the window.

Posted by TFox Mar 4 '10, 12:28

that might be the simple answer, but not necessarily the right one. and certainly not necessarily the one that is going to make them the happiest.

Responses:

[deleted] 24
- both parties have the right to walk away, i guess. it's not about "right". it should be about what makes you happy. - TFox Mar 4, 12:33 6
  - [deleted] 5
    - Again, you're overlawyering this. The vows are ceremonial. You promise to love and take care of each other. The real rules of your marriage come - pmb Mar 4, 12:48 3
      - [deleted] 1
        
        Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. It's your focus on the "vows" repeatedly that leads me to believe that you're looking for set in stone rules. There - pmb Mar 4, 12:56
      - Let us compare and contrast the marriages of both znu and kilbo... -- nm - Spawn Mar 4, 12:50
    - Traditional wedding vows are essentially: I'll love you forever - oblique Mar 4, 12:39
- You're overthinking this. If it was a true contract people would negotiate the vows. He's basically using it as a reference. The rules are made by - pmb Mar 4, 12:33 16
  - [deleted] 15
    - I'm just saying people don't really think about the "vows" as a practical matter. Nobody goes comparing behavior to the vows. -- nm - pmb Mar 4, 12:39
    - dude. The consequences are that shit gets difficult. Sadly, many people are just as willing to cut and run than to actually work on it -- nm - oblique Mar 4, 12:38 13
      - [deleted] 12
        
        Obviously there can be no "specific" consequences for a broad range of people. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Mar 4, 12:46 4
        
        [deleted] 3
        
        "get over it" is good advice, and plenty specific. - Dr.Vermin Mar 4, 12:58
        
        I think people have ideas based on how they know themselves, but I don't think you really have an answer until you find yourself in the circumstance. - pmb Mar 4, 12:53
        
        I don't think there's anything that the "victim" can do in this case. Anything you do to monitor or otherwise actively confirm things are not - oblique Mar 4, 12:51
        
        I think it's hard to be specific because they're all emotional consequences - introspection, guilt, shame, having to change, etc -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 12:43 4
        
        [deleted] 3
        
        There are different ways of doing that though. I mean, you can either force your way into their world (which may be counterproductive like you say) - Roger More Mar 4, 12:50 2
        
        [deleted] 1
        
        I think you would have to find positive ways of doing it. But you're not going to rebuild trust by becoming less involved with each other. -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 12:56
        
        There isn't a sentancing guideline for dicking someone over... - oblique Mar 4, 12:42 1
        
        This. -- nm - pmb Mar 4, 12:46
You are an anti-perfectionist! -- nm - Spawn Mar 4, 12:29 2
- People who expect perfection in marriages have a lot to learn anyway. :) -- nm - TFox Mar 4, 12:30 1
  - *ding* -- nm - Spawn Mar 4, 12:31

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right. just because one of the vows got broken doesn't mean both people take every promise they made and throw them out the window.

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