Love Letters Response to Want To Salvage This:
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Mar 4 '10, 12:32
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WTST, this is a unique issue. The e-mail cheating isn't unique, of course, but your question is. You're asking whether you should demand to see the evidence, whether reading the e-mails will make things better. Tough one.
I'm putting my support in the "read the e-mails" camp (assuming he'll let you see them and that he hasn't already destroyed the evidence). From what you've said, getting the awful truth will help you process what happened and then move on. And for all you know, the e-mails are not as bad as you've imagined. Or maybe they're much worse. Either way, they'll help you get to the bottom of what happened and why. Wouldn't it be telling if the e-mails included small talk about daily events? Wouldn't it be telling if the content of the e-mails shed light on something that's been missing in your marriage?
If he refuses to show you the e-mails (or if he has already deleted them), I recommend demanding some therapy. I know, I know, I'm a broken record with the therapy thing. But in your case, it seems necessary, mostly for him. From what you've told us, your husband seems very � repressed about his emotions. He's trying to be honest with you, but he isn't coming clean 100 percent, not even to himself. The whole "he wants to think positively about people" thing � it rubs me the wrong way. It's like he made all of these bad choices without much thought and hasn't figured out why. And now he's more focused on getting you to move on than concerned about why he did the bad deeds in the first place. That's pretty typical, by the way. I'm sure he doesn't want to deal with the unpleasant, bad-guy things going on in his head. But you have to get him to show and tell. And you're allowed to tell him that if he can't let his guard down with all of it, you can't be expected to forgive.
Readers? Should she demand to see the e-mails? Will they help? How can she rebuild trust? What should she do next? Share.
� Meredith
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