ST Alpha - "You're overthinking this. If it was a true contract people would negotiate the vows. He's basically using it as a reference. The rules are made by " (Reading a Post)

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You're overthinking this. If it was a true contract people would negotiate the vows. He's basically using it as a reference. The rules are made by

Posted by pmb (aka pmb) Mar 4 '10, 12:33

the people in the relationship as they go along. The general guideposts are probably pretty well known, but how it sorts out for individual couples is all over the place.

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[deleted] 15
- I'm just saying people don't really think about the "vows" as a practical matter. Nobody goes comparing behavior to the vows. -- nm - pmb Mar 4, 12:39
- dude. The consequences are that shit gets difficult. Sadly, many people are just as willing to cut and run than to actually work on it -- nm - oblique Mar 4, 12:38 13
  - [deleted] 12
    - Obviously there can be no "specific" consequences for a broad range of people. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Mar 4, 12:46 4
      - [deleted] 3
        
        "get over it" is good advice, and plenty specific. - Dr.Vermin Mar 4, 12:58
        
        I think people have ideas based on how they know themselves, but I don't think you really have an answer until you find yourself in the circumstance. - pmb Mar 4, 12:53
        
        I don't think there's anything that the "victim" can do in this case. Anything you do to monitor or otherwise actively confirm things are not - oblique Mar 4, 12:51
    - I think it's hard to be specific because they're all emotional consequences - introspection, guilt, shame, having to change, etc -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 12:43 4
      - [deleted] 3
        
        There are different ways of doing that though. I mean, you can either force your way into their world (which may be counterproductive like you say) - Roger More Mar 4, 12:50 2
        
        [deleted] 1
        
        I think you would have to find positive ways of doing it. But you're not going to rebuild trust by becoming less involved with each other. -- nm - Roger More Mar 4, 12:56
    - There isn't a sentancing guideline for dicking someone over... - oblique Mar 4, 12:42 1
      - This. -- nm - pmb Mar 4, 12:46

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You're overthinking this. If it was a true contract people would negotiate the vows. He's basically using it as a reference. The rules are made by

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