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Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. It's your focus on the "vows" repeatedly that leads me to believe that you're looking for set in stone rules. There

are no set in stone rules. This isn't a lawyer answer, it's a practical answer. It's hard to know where you really would draw the lines until you're faced with the circumstances. I described my thoughts below. In my current marriage I would feel, I think more governed by my own happiness than the kids, because they would be less directly involved in the equation. You want hard answers, but there aren't any.

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