boston.com Love Letters: Should I Be Upset?
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Mar 11 '10, 08:16
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Diva Caution: Beware ST - This lady comes across as...how do you say? Probably not the brightest light in the candelabra...
Q - Meredith,
Let me start by saying that I love your column and relate to a lot of the people who have posted here in the past.
I'm writing to you in the hopes that you can provide some perspective and a harsh dose of reality for me concerning an extremely confusing situation with a friend of mine. Said friend and I have become close in the last six months, although we have known each other for a couple of years. It should also be mentioned that he's very tight with a guy that I dated this past summer. After the guy I was dating ended things with me, I began hanging out with Friend and quickly realized we shared identical interests in movies, television, and humor. We got along great, but since I had just gotten out of a relationship, I was wary of getting hurt and Friend and I developed a very sarcastic, "buddy/buddy" friendship.
Friend and I discussed the possibility of dating, but he felt that a romantic relationship should develop organically and that we would be pressuring ourselves into dating if we did so at that moment. Despite this conversation, I still found that we were inseparable at group events, talked almost every day, and made out/cuddled on several occasions. I tried to keep everything in perspective and remind myself that he just wanted a friendship, but it was hard when I felt like our connection was only becoming deeper.
The situation reached a completely new level this weekend when, out of the blue, he mentioned a girl that would be coming to one of our mutual friend's parties. I asked him who this girl was and he replied that it was his girlfriend. I've read "He's Just Not That Into You" and I have enough experience dating to know that Friend would have asked me out if he was really interested. However, I feel like I have put in the time and tried to be understanding about maintaining our friendship. If we were truly friends, wouldn't he have felt comfortable mentioning that he was dating someone before he reached "girlfriend" status with her? Especially since we talk every day? Do I have the right to feel hurt and betrayed that he conveniently left this detail out of our day-to-day conversation?
Any thoughts you could provide would be greatly appreciated. I'm really unsure of how to handle this situation.
� Confused in Somerville
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