ST Alpha - "i agree in that it does seem like she may have some unrealistic expectations of what a long-term relationship is really like" (Reading a Post)

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In response to "I'm married to my best friend who's an excellent father but my life doesn't feel like the last 5 minutes of a Hugh Grant/Sandra Bullock movie! Waaah! -- nm" by Dr.Vermin

i agree in that it does seem like she may have some unrealistic expectations of what a long-term relationship is really like

Posted by kare (aka kare) May 26 '10, 12:26

it's not hearts and flowers all the time, forever, ya gotta work at it.

but there's evidence of deeper issues here.

Responses:

honestly, if anything I think her expectations are too low. -- nm - loosilu May 26, 12:28 17
- i read a little deeper into it. it seems like she expects a happy marriage to just happen to her. -- nm - kare May 26, 12:29 16
  - I think there is a significant amount of not knowing what a relationship should feel like. Also, she's lost weight, feels more confident about - pmb May 26, 12:33 6
    - honestly, i'm in the "divorce" camp myself. life is too short, and she is just figuring out what she really wants and deserves - kare May 26, 12:35 4
      - I could join this, given the caveat that she should probably figure out what she wants FIRST. - Dr.Vermin May 26, 12:47 2
        
        agreed though i chalk it more up to her maturity level than being lazy and inimagitive -- nm - kare May 26, 12:53 1
        
        *un* - kare May 26, 12:53
      - I hope I didn't come across as pointing the finger at the dude. Although, if he is as passive as he seems, he should get the hell out. -- nm - loosilu May 26, 12:36
    - [deleted]
  - Yup. -- nm - Dr.Vermin May 26, 12:31
  - I think she's had one relationship and this is it, so she doesn't have a lot to compare to. -- nm - Roger More May 26, 12:30 1
    - agreed. -- nm - znufrii May 26, 12:30
  - I read it differently ... that she is trying to convince herself that a good who doesn't love her should be good enough. -- nm - loosilu May 26, 12:30 1
    - i'm not so sure that he doesn't love her. -- nm - Andie May 26, 12:37
  - she also married him because she wasn't sure she could find anyone else. and she's tempted to stay with him because she's afraid no one else will want - kare May 26, 12:30 3
    - Judging by her comments, I'd wager she was approaching 300lbs. That's a.....legitimate concern - Will Hunting May 26, 12:32
    - I think this is true, but the dude seems perfectly content with the situation -- nm - Roger More May 26, 12:31
    - that's what I'm saying. She's willing to settle for crap. -- nm - loosilu May 26, 12:31
[deleted] 16
- oh definitely. but she also seems to just expect it to happen. she doesn't say for sure, but it doesn't sound like she's initiating all the time and - kare May 26, 12:29 15
  - [deleted] 3
    - i agree. neither of them should have to. -- nm - kare May 26, 12:32 2
      - [deleted]
      - (initiation is a shared duty!) ;) -- nm - kare May 26, 12:32
  - Right, this is what i'm wondering too. Is she expecting him to make these grand romantic gestures all the time, and always initiate it? - Stephen May 26, 12:31 7
    - [deleted] 6
      - i don't think she is expecting grand romantic gestures; rather she seems to be passive about her role in helping to create a happy marriage - kare May 26, 12:37 4
        
        yes and no. she did suggest counselling. she did move for his job. she isn't exactly not trying, she just doesn't know *what* to try. -- nm - Andie May 26, 12:39 3
        
        On top of everything else, she paints her husband as utterly lacking in communication skills. -- nm - David May 26, 12:46 1
        
        which may or may not be true. he could either be totally passive (probable) or actually honestly bewildered that she is unhappy (less likely, but - Andie May 26, 12:51
        
        both excellent points. - kare May 26, 12:40
      - I'm with Jack. her standards seem alarmingly low, if anything. -- nm - loosilu May 26, 12:33
  - have you ever met a healthy male who didn't ask for sex more than once in 3-4 months? -- nm - loosilu May 26, 12:29 2
    - you're missing my point entirely. -- nm - kare May 26, 12:31 1
      - I guess I must be. I don't see this guy's actions as part of a normal relationship. -- nm - loosilu May 26, 12:32

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i agree in that it does seem like she may have some unrealistic expectations of what a long-term relationship is really like

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