ST Alpha - "Advice, please: I just received an offer of wedding day help from my hairdresser sister-in-law. I had a falling out with my brother 2 or so yrs ago " (Reading a Post)

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Advice, please: I just received an offer of wedding day help from my hairdresser sister-in-law. I had a falling out with my brother 2 or so yrs ago

Posted by kelly (aka kelly) Jul 19 '10, 14:30

and she kinda got caught in the crossfire. Christmas was the first time we have seen each other/talked in nearly 2 yrs. and it was a little forced (although less so once I was drunk, heh).

So I emailed her to ask her for their address, and she just responded with an offer to do my and the bridal party's hair that day. I already have a hairdresser booked for that day, but this may change things.

So I guess my question is - is *my wedding day* the time to push the tension aside and let her do this? I'm guessing she wouldn't be offering if she didn't want to. Or do I just invite her to the wedding and say no thanks to the offer.

I just feel a little uncomfortable re: the whole situation, considering the last few years.

Responses:

the less stressy choice would be not letting her do it, right? - b. Jul 19, 14:36 15
- big time -- nm - loosilu Jul 19, 14:39
- Until my mother starts the guilt trip - yeah, probably the less stressy choice. - kelly Jul 19, 14:38 11
  - That makes it tricky. This may be indelicate but, is she a good hair stylist? I mean, if she isn't, that makes the decision easier. - musubi Jul 19, 14:40 1
    - I guess she is. - kelly Jul 19, 14:44
  - if you are leaning to letting her help, I'd suggest spending time with her ahead of the wedding. - b. Jul 19, 14:40 4
    - She'll be invited to my bridal shower...does that count? - kelly Jul 19, 14:45 2
      - I wouldn't think so -- nm - loosilu Jul 19, 14:46 1
        
        to elaborate a bit: You'll be in the same place, but your attention will be divided many ways. -- nm - loosilu Jul 19, 14:48
    - This is wise advice. This could help mend things, but if it doesn't.....don't want that spillover risk. (nm) - musubi Jul 19, 14:44
  - plus, I think it is touchy to mend things with her and not your brother. -- nm - loosilu Jul 19, 14:40 2
    - (I'm not asking advice on that part of it.) :) -- nm - kelly Jul 19, 14:43 1
      - gotcha. -- nm - loosilu Jul 19, 14:44
  - tell your mom you want the family to just enjoy themselves, not work on the big day. -- nm - loosilu Jul 19, 14:39
- ^workus interruptus. *nods to mus.* -- nm - b. Jul 19, 14:37 1
  - *wink* (nm) - musubi Jul 19, 14:38
I'd thank her for the offer saying it was very sweet, but that you already have someone booked for the event. -- nm - CQ Jul 19, 14:35
Will she be able to do the entire bridal party herself? - musubi Jul 19, 14:33 3
- There's only 4 of us. I'm not sure if that's a lot for one person or not. -- nm - kelly Jul 19, 14:34 2
  - at my BFF's wedding ten years ago, we had one hairdresser do 6 of us. -- nm - loosilu Jul 19, 14:40
  - Depends on how elaborate a hair style you want, I guess. IIRC, each party member took over an hour for hair (and makeup). - musubi Jul 19, 14:37
i'd take advantage of the marital goodwill to help bury the hatchet, unless you dont want it buried. -- nm - TFox Jul 19, 14:33
you know I already have a regular hair dresser and she would be disappointed if I cancelled her out -- nm - zeitgeist Jul 19, 14:33 2
- you would be the first person voted off Survivor every time -- nm - chuckles Jul 19, 14:35 1
  - heh. - TFox Jul 19, 14:36
is it a matter of money or is it a matter of "do i want to let her do it?" -- nm - chuckles Jul 19, 14:32 4
- the latter. -- nm - kelly Jul 19, 14:33 3
  - Oh in that case, I'd just politely say "Thanks for the generous offer, but I already booked the hairstylist and I just want you to enjoy being there." - musubi Jul 19, 14:35 1
    - this would be the way to say no if you want to say no. -- nm - TFox Jul 19, 14:38
  - if you think she's competent enough to do it, it seems like a nice gesture that will probably build up some goodwill on their side - chuckles Jul 19, 14:34
it is not a day to add to the " uncomfortableness" of it all - with that said - you may be so hopped on excitement you may not notice her - Epiphany Jul 19, 14:31

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Advice, please: I just received an offer of wedding day help from my hairdresser sister-in-law. I had a falling out with my brother 2 or so yrs ago

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