TNA Hardcore Justice (ECW ppv)....
Posted by
Remlik (aka remlik)
Aug 8 '10, 21:33
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The FBI (Tracy Smothers, Little Guido and Tony Luke w/ Big Sal) vs. Kid Kash, Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger
Kash gets a "Welcome back!" chant and is channelling Michael Douglas. Swinger is in phenomenal shape. Big Sal is announced as being from Snooki's poolhouse, where there is plenty of Snooki Gravy. That's for you Jeremy. Tony Luke weighs in at 2046 liquid ounces. Diamond looks like AJ Styles in 15 years.
Kash and Guido to start. Guido takes him down with a waistlock but Kash scrambles back to his feet. They work a quick series of covers for two and face off. The crowd wants their pizza. Tony Luke tags in and wants Swinger. Luke gets a takedown to a short arm scissors, Swinger picks him up and slams him down HARD with a back suplex. Whip reversed and Luke tags in SMOTHERS. Diamond tags in and...he should have kept his shirt on. Taz says he should invest in a singlet. Smothers with a series of chops and a jump heel kick!!! No, seriously. Diamond bails to the floor and gets the mic. Orlando Florida! Simon has a problem. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" - Orlando. He silences them and says that Kash is preventing them from being a finely oiled machine. He says that the FBI might outwrestle them, but they can outdance the FBI. He then calls for an Extreme Dance-Off. Diamond and Swinger embarrass themselves. Smothers says Michael Jackson rolled over in his grave, and if they can't do better, straight up everybody dies. The FBI then "bust some moves." Fist pumps! Diamond and Swinger attack from behind and ditch the FBI to the outside...except Sal. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Everyone is on the floor except Kash...He LEAPS off the back of the ref, over the top onto everyone!!! Luke tries to fly but misses and it appears we still have a match to finish. Kash tags in and hits a backbreaker on Luke for 2. Chops in the corner and a poke to the eye from Kash. Luke fights back with chops of his own and a big clothesline. He charges...POWERSLAM into the turnbuckle by Kash! OUCH. Awesome. Guido tags in, takes down Diamond and Swinger in the corner and a crossbody to Kash. 1...2...no. Leg kicks and a Russian leg sweep followed by a low dropkick by Guido. Swinger is in to break it up, everyone is in now. Luke is on the top, Diamond and Kash go to superplex him down, Guido and Smother are over...TOWER OF DOOM! SIMON SERIES to Luke! Clothesline by Smothers! Swinger hits the Skull-Krushing Finale on Smothers! Missile dropkick by Luke to Swinger! Kash is in...double underhook piledriver!!!! HE DEAD. Guido hits the Sicilian Slice on Kash! Simon goes for the Simonizer...UNPRETTIER! Guido covers! 1...2...3!
Winners: The FBI via pinfall (Guido on Diamond, Unprettier)
Taz and Tenay discuss the injury to Jerry Lynn and announce the replacement: Sabu. Now we're hetting a "Where are they now?" on Gary Wolfe, Tod Gordon, The Blue Meanie...this is going to piss some people off, but I kinda like it. Gordon thanks everyone who made the past happen. Wolfe apologises for not being able to make it. Meanie thanks TNA and Dixie Carter for putting the show on and says hi to his friends backstage. Wolfe threatens that we'll see him again. Meanie sounds very emotional as he thanks the fans. Then he goes looking for more delicious hamburgers to steal.
AJ Styles talks about the match that made Tommy Dreamer a hardcore legend, the Singapore Cane match against Raven.
Angelina Love talks about the great crowd reactions "that program" used to get.
Al Snow is yelling at Head, telling it to stop chanting those 3 letters. Stevie Richards is with him. NOVA is here in full-on Hollywood Nova gear and they ask where the bWo logo is on his shirt. Only they don't use the letters bWo. Snow asks where his scooter is. "In a warehouse in Stanford, or in a toilet bowl, where your career would be if not for Head." Blue Meanie shows up, wearing a BW2.0 shirt. Fuck me this is awesome. Stevie says he has a chance to prove what he can really do. That was surreal and awesome at the same time.
CW Anderson vs. Too Cold Scorpio
For someone not related to Arn, he sure does look like Arn. Scorpio is said to be in tremendous shape still, which worries me because he was always sudden. Scorpio dances as CW looks unimpressed. I hope Percy Watson is watching this. Scorpio flips out of an armbar early. Scorpio offers his hand but CW spits in it. They exchange stiff forearms, Scorpio hits a sweet dropkick and CW bails. Scorpio kicks him through the ropes and then hits a corkscrew plancha to the floor. Back inside and Scorpio hits a HIGH crossbody for 2. Scorpio hits the ropes and runs into a STIFF superkick to the jaw for 2. CW applies a hammerlock then rams Scorpio into the corner. CW goes to work on the arm but Scorpio shows his flexibility with a kick to the face. Some jabs by Scorpio, he tries a kick but CW ducks it and UNLOADS with a massive right for 2. STO by Scorpio out of nowhere gets 1. They work some quick counters ending with a heavy forearm by CW for 2. Scorpio with a whip and a somersault kick to the head for 2. Somersault leg drop from the middle rope! 1...2...no! Scorpio signals for something flippy, goes up top...MOONSAULT! KNEES! CW measures...SPINEBUSTER! 1...2...no! A series of forearms by CW, he comes off the rope CRESCENT KICK by Scorpio!!! Up top...INVERTED 450 LEG DROP! 1...2...3!!! What did I just see??
Winner: Too Cold Scorpio via pinfall (inverted 450 leg drop)
Madison Rayne says "the Philadelphia promotion" started hardcore wrestling. Japan wants a word with you. She says it was about being fearless. Morgan talks about bouncing in a bar in Jersey, and how he saw a show there and how awesome it was to see it for free. Mr. Anderson talks about how campy and PG wrestling was at the time until that promotion brought an edge.
RVD is with Fonzie. He talks about how great it will be to fight Jerry Lynn. Fonzie says how off the hook the matches were. RVD then talks about the decision he made about Lynn's replacement.
PJ Polaco vs. Stevie Richards (w/ The Blue Guy and Hollywood Nova)
Well I guess that random woman's trademark filing DID stop him from using Justin Credible. Doesn't stop the crowd from chanting it loudly though.
Headlock by PJ. Crowd is still chanting Justin Credible. PJ gets a shoulder block and is fired up. Richards gets the shoulder block this time and he celebrates. PJ backs him into a corner and lays in knees and chops. Stevie fires backs with chops and whips PJ in, then slides him crotch-first into the ring post. To the floor they go and PJ regains control. "We want blood!" - Orlando. Suplex on the floor by PJ, he goes back inside and hits a slingshot splash to the floor! Both men inside now and PJ is stomping away at Stevie in the corner. He grabs Stevie by the feet and yanks him out of the corner with a powerbomb for 2. Kick to the gut by PJ and a running DDT for 2. PJ gets a jawbreaker, Stevie fires back with a kick but PJ comes right back with stomps and chops in the corner. Whip is reversed, PJ tries to go up and over but Stevie catches him and throws him to the outside...FACE HITS STEPS! Ouch. Back inside, Stevie with a series of rights and a flying forearm, then a side slam. Hi Blankie! He wants the Jackknife...CONNECTS! 1...2...no. Stevie from the second tope...SUPERKICK BY PJ! 1...2...2.89! Measured that perfectly. PJ sets for the That's Incredible...NAILS IT! Spinning Tombstone! 1...2...Nova is on the apron! PJ breaks the cover to remonstrate with the reprobate, then stalks Stevie. "That's not just the coolest, that's not just the best, that's..." STEVIEKICK! 1...2...3!
Winner: Stevie Richards via pinfall (Steviekick)
Post-match PJ waffles Stevie with the cane and starts wearing him out...LIGHTS OUT! SANDMAN! White Russian leg sweep! Sandman waffles PJ with the cane then poses over a fallen PJ Polaco.
Francine is the next ECW star to talk, she shows off her new daughter Molly and thanks everyone. TNA then runs a quick screen to thank everyone who is no longer with them.
Brother Runt vs. Al Snow (w/ Head) vs. Rhi(y)no
Spike Dudley is in full Little Spike Dudley get-up, glasses and all. There are numerous Heads in the crowd, of course. Rhino comes out to his TNA theme. I need a Rhino Driver. I need one in the worst way. This is elimination rules, apparently.
Runt headlocks Snow, Rhino headlocks Runt. Snow gets ditched to the floor and Runt gets creamed with a clothesline. Rhino wants a Gore on Runt but Snow trips him. BIG backbreaker by Snow to Runt. Rhino grabs Snow and whips him in, Snow goes over the top to the apron but gets knocked to the floor by Runt. Rhino gets low bridged to the floor and Runt is going to fly...Snow and Rhino catch him and nonchalantly toss him over head onto the ramp. Snow gets control on the floor and rolls Rhino inside, then misses a slingshot legdrop. Taz says ECW, McDevitt makes a tally mark. Rhino tries a belly to belly but Snow traps the arms and hits the series of headbutts. Snow up top...SNOWSAULT! 1...2...no! They show all 6 TNA roster members who are present, sitting in the back watching the match. Snow gets Head (giggity) but swings and misses at Runt. Rhino kicks Snow and hits a suplex, DOUBLE STOMP from the top by Runt on Snow. Series of strikes by Runt to Rhino, he tries the Acid Drop but Rhino just throws him across the ring. Headscissors by Runt to Rhino! Runt alternates between Snow and Rhino with forearms, then tries a double Acid Drop...only to get thrown over the top and into the barricade. Rhino whips Snow to the corner, ref gets knocked down. Snow gets Head again (giggity) and creams Rhino with it! Runt has a chair but Snow catches him! Runt works the Eddie Guerrero spot with the chair, Snow acts like he got hit too and drops the chair. Ref doesn't know who did what so he removes the chair. Snow tries a Head shot while the ref removes the chair, ACID DROP CONNECTS! 1...2...3!
Brother Runt eliminates Al Snow
Gore! GORE! GORE!!!
Winner: Rhino via pinfall (last eliminating Brother Runt, Gore)
Axl Rotten and Kahoneys vs. Team 3D (w/Joel Gertner)
No seriously, his name is Kahoneys. At least he's still from Nutley. Orlando obliges by chanting for balls. Kahoneys says they are the most extreme tag team in wrestling, and they don't have a match. Then he makes the classic mistake of making an open mistake to anoyone with the guts or the nuts.
WELL WELL WELL!
TIE-DYED FUCKING DUDLEYS! Gertner looks like he killed an alpaca, ate it in one sitting, then wore its fur. "Must have been a big raccoon." - Taz. "It is I, the bacon in her eggs. The man for whom she begs and the face between her legs...the lyrical miracle, the sexual intellectual and the quintessential studmuffin, Joel 'Lady Gaga advocates celibacy. What an absolute disgrace. If she won't let me stuff her muff then I'll just poke her face'. Back together tonight with my running buddies, my colleagues in chaos. Ask the tag teams that they've decimated, they all know why they're so decorated. They are the biggest, the baddest, the sickest and most vicious, the most extreme, hardcore, sever tag team in the wrestling business yesterday, today and forever. From New York City, at a total combined weight of 569 pounds, they are the Dud....TEAM 3D.' Gertner.
I marked. Ray says that they are four of the most hardcore men to ever set foot in a ring, and nobody wants to see them have a wrestling match. Street fight!
We have a brawl boys and girls. Balls on Ray, Axl on Devon inside the ring. A pair of arm drags by Axl, some jabs and a whip...Devon hits the flying tackle to end that. Ray and Balls roll in and Ray charges into an elbow. Second rope clothesline by Balls. Balls with a whip and he runs into a boot, followed by a flying tackle from the top. Ray hits Balls with Head. Things you never expected to type... They are now brawling in the crowd. Axl and Devon are heading up the steps, as are Ray and Balls. Ray and Balls exchange beverage shots. The camera looks like it filmed a Cytherea movie. Repeated Head shots to Balls by Ray. Axl is pounding on Devon, Devon manages to regain control and hits an umbrella shot. My God they're in the ring, well Balls is. Devon gets rammed into the steps. Balls creams Ray with a trash can lid then misses a leg drop from the second rope. TEFLON SKILLET SHOT but it just slides right off. Sorry. Axl is in and tattoos Ray with a cookie sheet. Devon blindsides him but misses a clothesline and eats the trashcan lid. BALLS HAS A GREEN LIGHTSABER!!!!!! "Use the Force!" - Orlando. RAY HAS A RED LIGHTSABER! They duel, Balls stabs Ray and then hits the Balls Jabs...Ray nails him in the nuts with the saber! Flip Flop and Fly! Axl gets the inverted DDT on Ray for 2 then gets nailed with a neckbreaker by Devon for 2. BK Bomb by Balls on Devon for 2. Orlando wants tables and fire. Instead we have a four-way chair duel, won by Axl and Balls. 2 counts. They aren't happy with the count so they grab the ref and whip him in...he ducks the clothesline! He tries a double clothesline of his own...yeah. That worked. Ray and Devon save his ass with chair shots. WAZZUUUUUUUUUUUUP to Balls! I always wanted to type that.
DEVON!
GET THE TABLES!
Devon obliges. Gertner is on the apron...with LIGHTER FLUID! Ray soaks the table, Devon lights it and Fire Marshall Balls puts it out...with his back. 1...2...3!
Winners: Team 3D via pinfall (powerbomb through flaming table)
Team 3D celebrate. Ray gets on the mic and says they are the greatest tag team in the world...THE GANGSTAS!!!!! New Jack has WEAPONRY! Mustafa has the kitchen sink! New Jack also has a stapler around his neck on a chain. Crutch shot to Devon from New Jack! Sink shot for Ray! New Jack staples Devon! Trash can shot by New Jack. He gets a hockey stick, dekes the goalie and crushes Devon's nuts. Mustafa is pounding on Ray. Crutch shot to Ray's back by New Jack. BIG clothesline to Devon by Mustafa. New Jack dances with the guitar...measuring Devon...Gertner is sneaking up with a chair! He gets WAFFLED with the guitar!
EL KABONG!
All four men stop, look around, and hug. That was fun.
All four men stop, look around, and hug. That was fun.
Raven hypes up the match with Dreamer.
Jesse Neal and Kaz talk about ECW's influence.
The ECW guys talk about Joey Styles.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven (Guest referee Mick Foley)
Foley is out first to next to no reaction. Raven's isn't much better. Taz tells us that Tommy is wearing the same boots that he wore in his last match with Raven.
Foley gives the wrestlers some instructions, but Raven apparently heard them before and hits Dreamer in the nuts. To the floor they go and Raven hits the Russian leg sweep into the barricade. Kick to the head by Raven. Back inside, Raven props a chair in the corner but his whip is reversed and Raven goes into the chair HARD. To the floor, Tommy rams Raven into the barricade and spits Mountain Dew into Raven's face, then smacks him with the can. Back inside, Tommy sets up two chairs and tries to suplex Raven onto them. Raven counters, whips Tommy in and gets the drop toehold INTO THE CHAIRS! Tommy bails to the floor and gets NAILED with a chair shot right in front of Beulah and her kids. Dixie Carter is next to them and motions for security to take them away. Nice touch. Raven continues the beatdown, whipping Dreamer to the steps. Dreamer rolls in and he's busted open. Ohhh is he ever. Raven stomps on him, then sets up a chair. Dreamer reverses a whip and drop toeholds Raven into the chair! Tommy grabs a sign from the crowd and nails Raven with it. Suplex on to the sign by Dreamer. He goes to the outside and fetches a ladder! Dreamer lays in crossfaces then bites down on Raven's cut. What, no "You sick fuck" chant? The ladder is horizontal in the corner, and Dreamer slingshots Raven from under it up into the ladder. Ow. Ask Joey Mercury how much that can suck. Dreamer puts Raven on the top, puts the ladder in sideways then climbs on it...and gets crotches on the rung! Fuck me. Raven comes off the top with a knee in the face of Dreamer for 2. Raven sets for the Evenflow...countered! DREAMER DRIVER! He doesn't cover but instead hangs Raven in the tree of woe, then stands on his nuts. Friendly. He puts the sign in front of Raven's face then hits the basement dropkick into the sign. Dreamers reaches under the ring...for a length of barbed wire! He applies a CRIPPLER CROSSFACE WITH THE BARBED WIRE! Let's ask Blaccu-Weather Meteorologist Ollie Williams what he thinks about that move. Ollie?
That's tawdry!
Thank's Ollie. Now this. Nova and The Blue Guy run in and blindside Foley as Raven is tapping. Nova hits the Flatliner on Dreamer, then Blue Tilly goes up top...MISSES THE SPLASH! Dreamer hits a neckbreaker on Nova! EVENFLOW by Raven! Foley has recovered! 1...2...NO! Raven attacks Foley and gets beaten down! SOCKO! Raven's lackey comes out and hits a top rope leg drop on Dreamer, Orlando asks who he is. Foley levels him, wraps barbed wire around Socko...BARBED MANDIBLE CLAW!! DAMN the blood is spraying everywhere! Meanwhile, in the ring, Raven has handcuffs and locks them on Dreamer. Raven grabs a chair and Foley looks displeased. Chairshot! Beulah is out to beg Raven to stop...Raven looks conflicted. He hugs Beulah, than nails Tommy with a shot to the head. Now Raven stalks Beulah with the chair! Foley tries to stop it but gets kicked in the nuts. CHAIRSHOTS to Foley. Raven goes back to Beulah...LOW BLOW! Dreamer manages to get Raven's head in the crook of his elbow...DDT! 1...2...2.906! He tries the DDT again, Raven goes to the knee and grabs a chair...chairshot to the knee! EVENFLOW on the chair! 1...2...3!
Winner: Raven via pinfall (Evenflow DDT to a chair)
Tommy and Beulah leave to an ovation.
New Jack and Mustafa invade a segment with Borash and So Cal, and they are awesome. "You know what they say about black guys. Once you go black...you get bad credit." So Cal tries to leave, New Jack grabs her hair and drags her back "OK, I can stay. Why not. Hi...sir." Mustafa leaves with So Cal. "Now that she gone, you know what that make you? My bitch." - New Jack. "Your bitch?" "My bitch. As of right now." Sign those guys. Now.
The ECW guys talk Paul Heyman.
Rob van Dam (w/ The Fonz) vs. Sabu (w/ The Fonz)
Fonz comes down with RVD, then when Sabu's music hits he runs up the ramp and takes off his jacket to come out with Sabu. This match had better go longer than 4:20, or the whole PPV will be up in smoke. Wait, what? Sabu is is BALD???? He looks like Jesse Ventura.
They work the crowd for a while to start. No botches yet. Snap mare by Sabu, they work a couple of counters and face off in a stalemate. Wrestling moves 4, points to the sky 11. Fonzie slides a chair right between the two men, Sabu wins the tussle for it and throws it into RVD's face. He sets the chair and leaps off it into RVD, who falls jaw-first on to the chair! RVD goes to the floor but eats a baseball slide sending RVD over the barricade. Sabu measures...FLIES from mat to chair to rope and into the crowd!!! He even hit it right! Sabu rolls inside, RVD comes in later and Sabu gets a 2 count. Half camel clutch by Sabu, he releases it and nails a chairshot to the back, then applies the clutch with the chair on RVD's back. Sabu releases the hold and sets up the chair, then runs...RVD kicks the chair into Sabu's shins! RVD drops the chair...monkey flip onto the chair! RVD throws the chair into Sabu and gets 2. Sabu reverses a whip and levels RVD with a clothesline, 2 count. Sabu with stomps and shots in the corner, he whips RVD in and both men try the same springboard move at the same time and collide! FONZIE is in the ring and gives each man a bottle of water! Right down the middle daddy! Both men go to the floor and grab a table, then rush at each other and lock up on the floor. RVD jumps up to the apron and kicks Sabu in the face. He drops Sabu over the barricadfe gut first...ROB! VAN! DAM! Spinning leg drop off the apron! RVD puts Sabu on the table under the bottom rope, calls for a chair and places it over the chest of Sabu. SLINGSHOT LEGDROP by RVD into the chair! 2 count only. Sabu reverses a whip but runs into an elbow. RVD goes to the top but Sabu throws a chair at his head! Sabu up top....HURACANRANA off the top into a chair! RVD timed that jump PERFECTLY to hit the chair. Sabu grabs the chair...ARABIAN FACEBUSTER! Camel Clutch! Sabu sets up the chair and goes for the triple-jump moonsault...RVD counters it throws Sabu into the chair! Damn. RVD crotches Sabu on the top rope, then calls Fonzie in to hold the chair in front of Sabu's face...VAN ASSASSIN! Sabu falls to the floor but rolls right back in. Split-leg moonsault! 1...2...no! RVD sets up a table as Sabu is recovering...chair to the back! Another to the head! Leg drop! 1...RVD is under the ropes. Riiiight. Whip to the corner and a kick to the face by RVD. He gets a chair and puts it on Sabu...ROLLING THUNDER to the chair! 1...2...no! VAN DAMINATOR! 1...2...no! Sabu gets a boot up to a charging RVD...springboard tornado DDT to the chair!!! 1...2...no!!! ARABIAN GUILLOTINE! 1...2...NO! Sabu positions the table near the corner, puts RVD on the table and goes up top with a chair...MISSES! Sabu goes through the table! RVD up top...FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! 1...2...3!
Winner: Rob van Dam via pinfall (Five Star Frog Splash)
Sabu and RVD hug it out. The whole ECW roster comes down with beer to hang in the ring while the fans thank them. "Fuck you Vince!" - Orlando. Dixie has a beer. Tommy has a microphone band thanks Atlas Security, Dixie Carter, and the fans. Ray goes and gets Dixie and brings her into the ring.
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