ST Alpha - "it doesn't say "no one gets in without a cash donation"." (Reading a Post)

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it doesn't say "no one gets in without a cash donation".

Posted by Reagen (aka Reagen) Sep 17 '10, 08:28

It's "if you're going to give a gift, take the cash you were going to buy something we don't need and give that instead". You can read it the other way of demanding a gift but only if you're trying to be offended. It's just reflecting reality (which I suppose is the definition of poor etiquette in some cases).

Responses:

it does however imply that a gift is expected... - znufrii Sep 17, 08:30 13
- a gift *is* expected. -- nm - TFox Sep 17, 08:34 12
  - understanding that people are going to give you gifts is not the same as expecting them to. -- nm - znufrii Sep 17, 08:35
  - absolutely not. it never should be. -- nm - loosilu Sep 17, 08:34 10
    - you know how many people would be thrilled if they left their wedding and there were zero gifts? - TFox Sep 17, 08:35 9
      - Oh, plenty of people would be thrilled so long as they had already been delivered to their home. - Ender Sep 17, 08:38 1
        
        yeah, I never bring a gift to the actual wedding. -- nm - loosilu Sep 17, 08:39
      - and even if that is the case, it's still impolite to communicate that expectation to your guests. -- nm - znufrii Sep 17, 08:36 4
        
        [deleted] 3
        
        exactly. - znufrii Sep 17, 08:44 2
        
        [deleted] 1
        
        huh? -- nm - znufrii Sep 17, 08:45
      - then they are jerks. Gifts are *never* required. all etiquette books are crystal clear on this. -- nm - loosilu Sep 17, 08:36 1
        
        luckily, no one ever required a gift. -- nm - TFox Sep 17, 08:36
that's not the point. As Andie said, it's fine for them to tell people they prefer cash, if asked. But not on the invite. -- nm - loosilu Sep 17, 08:29 15
- The only way to stop people from brining 17 toasters is to put it on the invite. Very few will call them and ask what they want/need. -- nm - Jim Sep 17, 08:32 1
  - related: Out of all my friends/family who got married, I do not know anyone who got a single toaster. -- nm - loosilu Sep 17, 08:33
- I'd prefer it on the invite, rather than a note later saying the same thing. -- nm - Roger More Sep 17, 08:31 12
  - you men are etiquette heathens. You don't get a note later. You ask them directly (or their family or friends) what they prefer. -- nm - loosilu Sep 17, 08:32 11
    - no one actually does this. -- nm - Reagen Sep 17, 08:33 4
      - your wife does, of course. - loosilu Sep 17, 08:34 2
        
        no, we had like, five people ask where we were registered. -- nm - Reagen Sep 17, 08:35 1
        
        Word. -- nm - Jim Sep 17, 08:37
      - also, this. -- nm - TFox Sep 17, 08:33
    - Sure...because leading up to my wedding, there's nothing I want more than 200 phone calls asking me what I want. -- nm - Jim Sep 17, 08:33 1
      - Of course, we included the info in our invitation, and still had to deal with phone calls. Often secondhand too. -- nm - Roger More Sep 17, 08:44
    - etiquette is dumb. someone needs to write a book of practicality, and then follow that shit. -- nm - TFox Sep 17, 08:33 1
      - [deleted]
    - the reason i always give cash is i know it will never be unwanted. but i still don't like to see gift requests in writing. -- nm - Andie Sep 17, 08:33
    - Or if the couple wants to be proactive, they ask people (parents, bridesmaids, etc.) to spread the word on their behalf... -- nm - znufrii Sep 17, 08:33

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it doesn't say "no one gets in without a cash donation".

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