ST Alpha - "ST Advice: So I rarely share about this stuff, but here is a relationship question I'd love some ST input on if you don't mind. (It's a little long)" (Reading a Post)

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ST Advice: So I rarely share about this stuff, but here is a relationship question I'd love some ST input on if you don't mind. (It's a little long)

Posted by MDH (aka MDH) Jan 13 '11, 07:45

So here's the details:

I met someone a few months ago at the bar and hit it off really really well. My friend ended up talking to his friend, and I ended up talking to him all night. We literally spent the next 3 hours talking.

He lives in NC, and I live in DC. He was supposed to move here this past April, but got a raise at work in NC and decided to stay there through graduation. He works full time and goes to school. He finishes college in 2011 (he's my age just took a year off, and now with work school is taking longer) and after that will be moving to DC.

Regardless, we had exchanged phone numbers during the night. I randomly called him the following week and this turned in to us talking to each other multiple times a week, for hours each time, for a few weeks. He came to visit me in December and spent the weekend in DC.

Since that weekend (over a month ago), we've exchanged 1 text. The call/voicemail I left were never returned. I don't do drama, so I said screw it and didn't make an attempt to contact again. Anyways, here we go, I get this facebook message the other night (below).

I had basically told myself that I was not going to respond to it. I don't feel like hanging out again, because even as friends, my friends don't treat others like that and I wasn't a fan of how it was all handled. I emailed it to 2 friends. One said the same thing I'm thinking and the other said I might want to respond as to not perpetuate the not talking thing, and just to level with him about the issue.

2 side things: I love that it is a facebook message when he couldn't even call. And please make sure to read that line about the number of friends in DC, is it me or does that come across super douchey.

MDH,

I first wanted to thank you again for having me in December. I had a lot of fun that weekend. You're a great guy, and I'd love to hang out again.

I do want to explain why my communication slowed though. While I'd love to blame it on my schoolwork, I really only had a week left of school after I saw you. My issue is that I freaked out a little bit and didn't know how to respond.

The way the weekend ended, it almost seemed like we were in the initial stages of developing a distance relationship. After weeks of talking for hours on the phone, I then spent a full weekend solely with you. As I said above, I had a lot of fun. However, I left with the impression that this could become something more, and that I would almost be expected to call and hang out with you every time I go up to DC.

I love the city and will likely move up there soon enough. However, I am only interested in making friends up there. I already have more friends there than I could possibly meet up with in a weekend.

What it all comes down to is that I would love to see you again one of the next few times I am up in DC, but that it would have to be in a friend-sense rather than anything more.

Sorry for being so silent toward you during the past month. I was trying to find time to write this rather than pretending like there was nothing wrong.

Hope you're doing well,
(NC)

Thoughts ST?
A relationship was never mentioned during the weekend. To be honest I don't even know if I would have been game (it was so early on) but I was at least interested in staying in contact with each other and just seeing how getting to know each other would be.

Responses:

It depends on what you want out of it. Serious relationships can grow from casual beginnings. Friendship is good too. - ceregon Jan 13, 08:33
"I would love to see you again one of the next few times" Translation; you'll do for one weekend, but on the other weekends I'm up there I'll be doing - Loyola Jan 13, 08:19
[deleted] 6
- True, he did send a message which was better than most guys would do. Btw I love how you spell "Absolute" like the vodka. -- nm - MDH Jan 13, 07:57 5
  - I read that as the "drunk dial-text-fb" standard. Like the dude got the guilts while drunk and messaged you. -- nm - Amy Jan 13, 08:05 2
    - That's exactly how I see it. -- nm - MDH Jan 13, 08:14 1
      - "I lurk shats" is the absolut standard for "I like shots" -- nm - Amy Jan 13, 08:18
  - [deleted]
  - Isn't that how everyone spells it? -- nm - Jack Dawson SI Jan 13, 07:59
"Sorry you misunderstood, I enjoyed spending time with you but am not interested in a relationship either. I appreciate you finally contacting me, - Amy Jan 13, 07:54 2
- I like this -- nm - amoxy Jan 13, 08:20
- "P.S. Rob or Russell?" nm - Dignan Jan 13, 07:56
I'm sorry, bro. - con_carne Jan 13, 07:53 1
- We never actually dated. And we were still getting to know each other as friends. - MDH Jan 13, 07:55
I would go with politely thank him for his explanation, then drop the whole thing. -- nm - loosilu on her netbook Jan 13, 07:52
I'd be tempted to go into super-needy relationship mode in a response just to freak him out. - Inigo Jan 13, 07:51 2
- word to the im -- nm - Beaker Jan 13, 07:55
- I love this. ST can be cyrano! -- nm - amanda jones Jan 13, 07:55
don't respond. He's not worthy of your time or friendship - Epiphany Jan 13, 07:51
I'm torn between a) Fuck him, don't respond. and b) It took a while, but at least it's an explanation and an honest one. - Jim Jan 13, 07:50 1
- Haha this is why I brought this up with ST! :-p -- nm - MDH Jan 13, 08:00
Honestly, unless I thought I'd be running into him here and there, I probably wouldn't respond. - Dignan Jan 13, 07:50 2
- (Also, I'd be really freaked from having spent a romantic weekend with a gay dude.) nm - Dignan Jan 13, 07:51 1
  - hee -- nm - Beaker Jan 13, 07:54

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ST Advice: So I rarely share about this stuff, but here is a relationship question I'd love some ST input on if you don't mind. (It's a little long)

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