meredith's LL response to I Don't Trust My Wife w/Her Work Friends:
Posted by
Diva (aka Diva)
Jan 25 '11, 08:46
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Are you going too far by asking her not to be social with men at work? Yeah, EHB.
It's really difficult not to make friends at work. It's sort of unnatural to ignore the people you're around all day. This affair -- it happened 15 years ago. And while you're allowed to have some post-traumatic stress, you're not helping anyone by making rules that are too easy to break. Is she supposed to sit silently at her desk (assuming she has a desk)? Is she supposed to avoid all outings with peers?
My advice is to set boundaries that make sense. Maybe it's not OK for her to go out alone with male co-workers. But is it really so bad for her to chat about movies with them by the water cooler? Also, can you meet these co-workers so you know what you're dealing with? Maybe they're just nice guys who love their own wives. Maybe they're interns who treat your wife like a mom. Tell your wife that if it's ever appropriate, you'd love to say a brief hello to these people. Be honest and explain that it'll help you calm your nerves.
You both learned plenty from what happened 15 years ago. Don't underestimate her. She made mistakes, but those mistakes went beyond simple social time in the office. You can't force her to wear blinders. Just tell her to practice the Golden Rule. Meaning, she shouldn't do anything behind your back that she wouldn't want you doing behind hers. That's the best you can do.
Readers? Am I wrong? What rules are acceptable? Is he setting her up to fail? Is it possible to avoid being social at work? What boundaries should he set? Should he meet her work friends? Discuss.
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