ST Alpha - "I know its evening ST, so not everyone is around, but I need advice" (Reading a Post)

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I know its evening ST, so not everyone is around, but I need advice

Posted by tRuMaN (aka Truman) Feb 11 '11, 15:22

A good friend of mine (female) is most likely going to get divorced.

She keeps expressing her desire to have me help her out after the divorce, not financially or anything like that, but with life stuff. some simple (setup computer network) some strange (help her learn how to pay bills online, I know, its strange) some just because she wants a stable male figure around her two young boys (4 and 2), others because I think she is afraid of things.

I sense a lot of danger there. a lot. I mean yes, honestly, this girl is gorgeous. but, again honestly, she is way way way way way out of my league. she is my friend, and she has greatly helped me get out and relearn to be me in the last year or so. but do I want to become a surrogate husband with no benefits?

what does st think? I am not saying anything will happen, but I am worried that she will rely too much on someone like me, who cannot really so no to friends in need. I would rather her just be a friend, with me occasionally hanging out (like now) then being a surrogate husband until she meets a new man (which is how it sounds when she talks about this).

I know I am stupid, thanks for reminding me.

Responses:

she feels safewith you, maybe you get some rebound sex, but she'm drop you as some as some other macho ahole comes around to abuse her -- nm - zeitgeist Feb 11, 16:00
FWIW - I think you should be the friend to her that she's been to you - but if anything seems too much - let her know. If she's a friend she will - JenBro Feb 11, 15:52 2
- she is already trying to play matchmaker. - tRuMaN Feb 11, 15:54 1
  - well then she probably thinks you're a terrific guy that deserves someone and she's keeping you in the friend zone - as long as you can handle it - - JenBro Feb 11, 15:58
Bone her like a drunken sailor on shore leave. -- nm - Evil Beaker Feb 11, 15:46 1
- *APPLAUSE METER* - que the laugh track - - JenBro Feb 11, 15:55
I think everyone should always aspire to be a good person who does nice things for people who need them. - David Feb 11, 15:39 2
- I misread need for feed and was completely on-board. -- nm - Will Hunting Feb 11, 15:40 1
  - you must have been the easiest fish for kelly to catch. -- nm - Reagen Feb 11, 15:43
My fear is you getting your heart broken.....you could fall into a psuedo-relationship that really isn't - ty97 Feb 11, 15:38 3
- yeah, i had thought of that. -- nm - tRuMaN Feb 11, 15:53
- THIS! now on top of that imagine that the next guy is a total tool and you are then also thinking "I'm not better than that?" -- nm - dogbert Feb 11, 15:39 1
  - THIS! now on top of that imagine that you're at the top of a giant pyramid and hundreds of naked women are throwing pickles at you then also thinking, - Max Feb 11, 15:52
you know those sirens in WWII sub movies as the sub is crash diving because it's about to get depth charged? - Mel Profit Feb 11, 15:35
I'm leaning towards "she's just using you", but... like Will says - wanting you as an influence on her kids is a big deal. - Dr.Vermin Feb 11, 15:32 2
- It was the single most degrading social experience of my life. - Mel Profit Feb 11, 15:36
- hey mrs vermin, put your husband on the computer -- nm - dogbert Feb 11, 15:34
set the boundaries early. even consider telling her what u told us -- nm - Epiphany Feb 11, 15:31
Do the computer stuff. Babysit the kids when you can. And in general be a friend. - the liioulu with reposusse tools Feb 11, 15:28 16
- The boundaries are "we don't leave your bed". -- nm - CrankYanker Feb 11, 15:31
- don't listen to thuis, she's a girl and probably on the same team. listen to the guys on this one -- nm - dogbert Feb 11, 15:29 14
  - It's for his protection. In many ways. -- nm - the liioulu with reposusse tools Feb 11, 15:32 13
    - what dogbert hears "do all the work she wants" -- nm - dogbert Feb 11, 15:33 12
      - so he thinks she is gorgeous. do you want to lay ground work? - Epiphany Feb 11, 15:39 10
        
        ~Dressed to kill and lookin' dynamite with her high-laced stockings and her sweater so tight~ - con_carne Feb 11, 15:51 2
        
        how did you know she what she was wearing today? - tRuMaN Feb 11, 16:02
        
        Totally meant this as a new thread - con_carne Feb 11, 15:55
        
        in his present state he should totally pull a Constanza. - Mel Profit Feb 11, 15:43 4
        
        you reminded me of a funny situation. went skiing with a bunch of my coworkers, one of the guys said to one of the girls, "I'm just the type you like - dogbert Feb 11, 15:47 3
        
        *laughing* -- nm - Mel Profit Feb 11, 15:52
        
        dammit, in the IM round = bald -- nm - dogbert Feb 11, 15:47 1
        
        "round headed" -- nm - Max Feb 11, 15:48
        
        When it comes to the ladies, Pippy got game. -- nm - David Feb 11, 15:42
        
        Heh. This is indeed quite effective. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Feb 11, 15:41
      - The computer stuff is easy and leads to her being more independent. - the liioulu with reposusse tools Feb 11, 15:37
I think you have the right take on this one. She might be upset with you in the beginning. but will appreciate it in the end. -- nm - CQ Feb 11, 15:27 3
- how do you know she'll appreciate it in the end? -- nm - CrankYanker Feb 11, 15:46 2
  - my heart tells me things. -- nm - CQ Feb 11, 15:51 1
    - your heart is kinky. -- nm - CrankYanker Feb 11, 15:57
but do I want to become a surrogate husband with no benefits? the answer is no, you do not -- nm - dogbert Feb 11, 15:26
I would say let her lean on you for a while. She helped you, so return the favor. Give her the benefit of the doubt for a while. - pmb Feb 11, 15:25 7
- girl : *cries* how can YOU leave me too? -- nm - dogbert Feb 11, 15:50
- Seconded. -- nm - Dr.Vermin Feb 11, 15:49
- Once again, I vote with poombah. - musubi Feb 11, 15:48
- nmbpmb - CQ Feb 11, 15:29 2
  - CQ, yes, thank you, I got it. - pmb Feb 11, 15:52 1
    - ah, so glad. I was so worried after my first debacle :) -- nm - CQ Feb 11, 15:55
- This, plus having just read tru's previous (jokeish) post, do you have anything better to do ATM? -- nm - con_carne Feb 11, 15:27
Either that chick wants you; or she's using you. - Will Hunting Feb 11, 15:25 3
- *tries to make a reply suggestings this is spawn level advice, but just cannot figure it out, sorry* - tRuMaN Feb 11, 15:26 2
  - Simplify life. Either she wants you (and no woman is going to put a guy she doesn't trust in a postion of influence on her kids) - Will Hunting Feb 11, 15:28 1
    - true true. -- nm - tRuMaN Feb 11, 15:29
are you friends with her soon to be ex as well? -- nm - Beaker Feb 11, 15:24 3
- no. -- nm - tRuMaN Feb 11, 15:24 2
  - to clarify this slightly (probably more than I should) - tRuMaN Feb 11, 15:30 1
    - do all that you have already stated and your last line is what she will ask you to do next -- nm - dogbert Feb 11, 15:31

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I know its evening ST, so not everyone is around, but I need advice

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